Category: For Women

The Universal Law of Attraction


I spent a few years working as a counselor while I was finishing my graduate studies in theology. Part of this time was spent at a treatment center for female drug addicts. I heard some really sad stories during that time. I still remember one young lady’s story of heartache and abuse (some addicts use drugs to “medicate” their personal pain). She told me of her past relationships with men, all of which were abusive.

I asked myself this question—how in the world did all of her boyfriends end up as abusers? How did she manage to find that many abusive men? Is there some kind of evil place where abusers all congregate?

Let me clarify something—I have no tolerance for men who hit women. I have never once hit (or slapped) a woman and I never will. I did not blame this poor young woman. I was simply wondering how she ended up in that situation so many times.

There is an explanation. There is a mysterious, universal law of attraction which operates in human relationships. Here it is: we tend to attract people who are at the same emotional/spiritual level as ourselves. It could be stated even more simply: like attracts like. Healthy people attract healthy people; sick people attract sick people (I am talking about spiritual and emotional health here). Mature people attract mature people, etc. This young woman was emotionally sick, so she attracted and tolerated emotionally sick men (emotionally healthy men do not abuse women).

I am not talking about that initial, physical attraction. All different kinds of people may approach you or express interest in you. What I am saying is that a mature person will usually recognize (and reject) someone who is not mature/healthy.

When I teach students about relationships, I tell them that they should be the kind of person they want to be with. If you want someone who is spiritually/emotionally mature, you have to first posses these qualities yourself. If your boyfriends/girlfriends have all been major losers, you need to do some honest self-evaluation. Maybe you need to spend some time on your own spiritual growth before entering another relationship.

Can two people walk together
without agreeing on the direction?–Amos 3:3

Note:  There are a number of books, websites, videos and even religious movements based on the “universal law of attraction” concept.    I am a follower of Christ and I’m in no way affiliated/associated with these other materials or groups.  This post is simply my observation of something I’ve repeatedly seen in relationships.

This is one of the many articles that you’ll find in my book: Basta Lovelife: Making Wise Relationship Decisions.

Three Stupid Words that Women Say


Ladies, I’m sorry if the title offended any of you, but I think many of you will agree with this article. In fact, maybe some of you have lived this article (or you are living it right now).

Previously I wrote about a story that I’ve seen over and over again in the lives of women (“The Valentine’s Day Massacre”). There’s another tragedy that happens to women. The story goes something like this:

1. Woman and man begin courtship.
2. Woman observes “warning signs” that the man has major character problems or characteristic which makes them incompatible.
3. Woman decides that she can “fix” his flaw or chooses to ignore it.
4. The man’s character flaw remains, and so does the woman’s illusion.
5. The woman ends up in a miserable relationship; possibly a miserable marriage.

This foolish way of thinking/behaving is summarized in these three words: “He Can Change.” For whatever reason it seems that women often think they can change men. I’m sure some men are guilty of this too, but it seems that women in particular are vulnerable to this treacherous way of thinking. It sounds like this:

“He has vices/addictions, but he can change”
“I’m not sure that he’s trustworthy, but he can change”
“He’s not really passionate about his faith, but he can change”
“He has a temper problem, but he can change”
“He doesn’t treat is mother well, but he can change”
“He doesn’t have any ambition in life, but he can change”

Do I believe that people can change? Through the transforming power of Christ—yes! Through a dysfunctional relationship—no! Ladies, there is a Savior; there is a life-changer. It is Jesus, not you. Look for a healthy relationship, not a person in need of rescue or major changes.

Bo Sanchez noted that some women are more selective about the shoes they buy than they are the men they get involved with. OK naman kung mapili ka—It’s OK to be choosy! You are a queen—go find yourself a king! Make yourself a list of qualities that your future spouse must have (example: good character, financially stable, etc). Make a list of negative qualities that he must not have (example: vices, unemployed). Don’t accept suitors who don’t meet these standards! Why waste your time?

This verse describes those who are not ready to change despite serious character problems. If you are not careful, it will describe your life as well.

As a dog returns to its vomit,
so a fool repeats his foolishness.
–Proverbs 26:11

This is one of the many articles that you’ll find in my book: Basta Lovelife: Making Wise Relationship Decisions.