Pornography and Imprinting

I usually mention this warning from Jesus when discussing the dangers of pornography:

“You have heard the commandment that says, ‘You must not commit adultery.’ But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”
-Matthew 5:27-28

One thing is clear from this passage: God is not silent or neutral when it comes to pornography. Today’s easy accessibility of explicit images and videos hasn’t changed His mind one bit.

I wrote about the dangers of porn in my first book (Just One Click Away, page 28). But I’ve since learned about another ironic consequence of porn addiction: the inability to have sex with a “real” woman.

The problem is related to a psychological phenomenon known as imprinting. We can look to the animal kingdom for a simplified demonstration. Hatching ducks, for example, will usually follow the first moving object they see. This is God’s design to ensure they always stay close to their mother. But they could just as easily imprint on any moving object they are exposed to during the first crucial hours of their lives—a human or even an inanimate object (like a remote-controlled car).

We humans are certainly more complex than ducklings, but the same general principle applies. Men in particular are hardwired to be visually attracted to women—this is part of God’s design. But our Creator never intended for us to experience sexual excitement from a computer screen. Porn can create unnatural neural pathways in one’s brain—the mind can get “rewired” in such a way as to prefer (or require) artificial stimuli for arousal.*

I’m not just talking about theory here. Countless marriages have been harmed by pornography addiction. In extreme cases the husband may prefer his addiction to making love to his wife—this really does happen.

My point is simple: Jesus knew what he what he was talking about when he warned us about sinning with our eyes and hearts. There’s no such thing as a harmless sin—especially where sexual purity is concerned.

Notes:

*One group decided to create a website called This is Your Brain on Porn after noticing many porn addicts struggled with erectile dysfunction. I obviously don’t agree with the authors’ apparent worldview (evolution, etc.). Having said that, I find it remarkable that a completely “secular” group of psychologists have taken note of the harm done by pornography addiction.

Stubborn Love (Encouragement for Singles)

A while back I shared our love story–how Mare Cris and I met and fell in love. Words can hardly express just how happy I am right now.  I’ve only been married a month (as of today), but I can’t imagine life without her.

But there’s another part of the story I haven’t shared. I left it out before because I didn’t want to take the focus off my relationship with my beautiful wife (fiancée at the time of the post).

Here it is:
I went through one of the most difficult seasons of my life before meeting Cris. I experienced two failed relationships within a period of about twelve months. A couple of those months were especially dark, lonely times for me.

Some of these personal issues happened while God was doing some amazing things in my ministry. It was ironic to say the least: ministry had never been better, but I was privately hurting—very deeply at times. Go figure.

The irony, of course, doesn’t stop there. I have written two books about love, yet that season of my own love life seemed to more closely resemble a nightmare than a fairytale.

Perhaps you can relate to some of these emotions I’ve described. Maybe your love life hasn’t turned out as you planned. If so, finding love may require tenacity on your part. You may have to be just plain stubborn about not giving up, regardless of how many times people let you down. 

I could have responded differently when Cris came into my life. I could have chosen not to pursue her, thus protecting myself from another potential disappointment. I could have allowed past hurts to keep me from experiencing her love. Opening my heart once again was, after all, a considerable risk. But I chose to believe God might just have something great in store for me this time.

The Bible never promises a life free of pain—physical or emotional. But we Christians, empowered by the Holy Spirit and with Jesus by our side, always have the choice to move forward with a sense of profound optimism about love and life.

I like the way Proverbs 24:16 puts it: “The godly may trip seven times, but they will get up again.”

I’m so grateful I chose the way of stubborn love. I hope you will, too.

Trust God, and don’t give up on love.

“Be prepared at all times for the gifts of God and be ready always for new ones. For God is a thousand times more ready to give than we are to receive.” -Meister Eckhart