Category: For Men

Dangers of Premarital Sex

It’s been a long time since I’ve posted anything about premarital sex.  Maybe part of the reason is I’ve been more interested in reading and writing about married life.  The emphasis of my ministry has also changed since moving here to Angeles City (I don’t spend quite as much time with students as I used to).

But there’s another significant reason for the lack of new posts:  I just haven’t thought of anything new to say about this topic.

Today I decided to remind everyone of some of the consequences of sexual immorality by referring to articles I’ve written before:

There are physical consequences, like unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases (herpes, HPV, etc).

But I usually spend most of my time writing about the emotional/spiritual consequences of premarital sex:

Regret:  having to live with things you can never go back and change.

Emotional Baggage:  damage from previous mistakes being brought into your future marriage.

False Intimacy: a false sense that your relationship is actually better than it really is.

The Downward Spiral:  Setting yourself up for future mistakes.

God’s solution to avoiding these consequences is simple: you have to avoid sexual temptation the same way you would a hand grenade.  Think about the consequences before you act and you’ll save yourself from a great deal of suffering.

Note to my readers in the Philippines: please read Basta LoveLife if you’d like to learn more about this topic.

Pornography and Imprinting

I usually mention this warning from Jesus when discussing the dangers of pornography:

“You have heard the commandment that says, ‘You must not commit adultery.’ But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”
-Matthew 5:27-28

One thing is clear from this passage: God is not silent or neutral when it comes to pornography. Today’s easy accessibility of explicit images and videos hasn’t changed His mind one bit.

I wrote about the dangers of porn in my first book (Just One Click Away, page 28). But I’ve since learned about another ironic consequence of porn addiction: the inability to have sex with a “real” woman.

The problem is related to a psychological phenomenon known as imprinting. We can look to the animal kingdom for a simplified demonstration. Hatching ducks, for example, will usually follow the first moving object they see. This is God’s design to ensure they always stay close to their mother. But they could just as easily imprint on any moving object they are exposed to during the first crucial hours of their lives—a human or even an inanimate object (like a remote-controlled car).

We humans are certainly more complex than ducklings, but the same general principle applies. Men in particular are hardwired to be visually attracted to women—this is part of God’s design. But our Creator never intended for us to experience sexual excitement from a computer screen. Porn can create unnatural neural pathways in one’s brain—the mind can get “rewired” in such a way as to prefer (or require) artificial stimuli for arousal.*

I’m not just talking about theory here. Countless marriages have been harmed by pornography addiction. In extreme cases the husband may prefer his addiction to making love to his wife—this really does happen.

My point is simple: Jesus knew what he what he was talking about when he warned us about sinning with our eyes and hearts. There’s no such thing as a harmless sin—especially where sexual purity is concerned.

Notes:

*One group decided to create a website called This is Your Brain on Porn after noticing many porn addicts struggled with erectile dysfunction. I obviously don’t agree with the authors’ apparent worldview (evolution, etc.). Having said that, I find it remarkable that a completely “secular” group of psychologists have taken note of the harm done by pornography addiction.