Category: Married Life

White Soap and Compromise

I was amused when Mare Cris told me she didn’t care for the yellow bar of soap that I always used in the shower.  “Who cares what color the soap is?” I asked.  She told me it clashed with the colors of the bathroom (it’s a girl thing).  More importantly, she wanted me to start using Johnson’s Baby Soap because she liked the color (white) and the scent.

I now use the soap she prefers, and I often hear my wife say, “ang bango mo (you smell so good)” after I step out of the shower.  This subtle change in my life was a no-brainer: I could care less what brand of soap I use, but it meant a lot to her.

You may be wondering why I’m taking time to write about personal hygiene.

Here’s my point:  I believe successfully married couples have learned the art of compromise, also known as give-and-take. Be prepared for this if you plan to get married.

Sometimes the adjustments are easily made, like the example I’ve just mentioned.  But neither the husband nor the wife can (or should) get his/her way every time.  My wife and I are still working on this balance, and so far we are enjoying the journey.

I’ll give you another example:  The author of His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage recommends couples spend most of their recreational time together.  My wife has begun to take interest in some of my hobbies, like training in the gym and watching mixed martial arts.

We’ve only been married for two months, but I could easily think of other compromises and adjustments we have made.  I think one of the keys is an attitude of humility and service towards your spouse:  “Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves (Philippians 2:3).”

Marriage is a big adjustment, but it’s definitely worth it.

In Sickness and in Health

Our apartment was filled with the familiar sound of my wife’s laughter this morning. Normally I wouldn’t give this a second thought, but this week has been anything but normal.

My wife got sick Tuesday—really sick. I took her to the Angeles University Foundation hospital that night because her fever spiked to over 39 degrees C (over 102 F). The doctor took one look at her throat, immediately diagnosed her with tonsillitis, and prescribed some antibiotics. We were back home within an hour with medicine in hand.

Her fever was gone by the next day, but she was still very weak and nauseated. She wasn’t able to eat much and I was concerned she may not be able to hold down the health-restoring antibiotics.

She is better today. She ate some ramen noodles and fruit this morning before dozing off in front of the television. I hate to see my wife sick, but it has been an opportunity to serve her in her time of need.

I don’t want to be overly dramatic here: my wife’s illness was not life threatening, and I’m not even close to being and expert on married life.

But this experience has me thinking about deeper things—things I’m not sure I could not completely understand as a single man.

The Bible often describes the Church as the Bride of Christ. A healthy, Christ-centered marriage should be a picture of Christ’s relationship with His people:

For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. And we are members of his body. 
–Ephesians 5:25-30

This second week of marriage has brought new meaning to this and other biblical passages. I understand just how precious a bride is to her husband.

Never has another person’s well being mattered this much to me. Never has another’s suffering affected me so deeply.

Yet how much greater is God’s love for us? I am a beloved member of the body of Christ—what a privilege! I can’t fully fathom this, but today I appreciate more deeply than ever.