Category: Learning the Hard Way

I’m a 22-year-old single guy working in the technological industry. I started working for this small company a couple of years ago. I made many friends here, including my supervisor and his girlfriend. The problem started when I became too close to his girlfriend. I was always comforting her when she and her boyfriend (my supervisor) had problems. I was even a “bridge” for them, sometimes helping them reconcile.

As time went on, I got really close with her. She always came to me for support when she had problems. We were always talking about personal issues with each other. I fell for her, though I didn’t admit it to her. One day she told me she was falling for me—only then did I tell her how I really felt.

We kept this “secret” relationship for two years. Her boyfriend (my supervisor) knew about it, but he never confronted us. I’m not sure why. Our working relationship was never affected, and I was also promoted to a supervisory position.

I had mixed emotions over these two years. I was happy because I really enjoyed being with her. At the same time, I was sad—I felt like a “spare tire” that was being kept in reserve. She tried to break up with her boyfriend, but she told me she couldn’t. She also said she didn’t want to let me go. I turned down offers from other companies just to stay with her.

After two years, I had finally had enough. It ended this past Christmas. It still hurt when I thought about the way she treated me.

She eventually broke up with her boyfriend, but we did not get back together. The last time we talked, she told me she is entertaining another suitor. This new suitor is not single! I was crushed when I heard this news—it really bothered me to hear her new “boyfriend” is involved with another woman.

I’m still healing and learning to move on.

Kuya Kevin’s Comments:

Let’s review some of your mistakes so you can avoid repeating them in your next relationship:

*First, it was unwise to get too close to someone who is already in a relationship. You turned yourself into a “surrogate boyfriend,” always being there for her (see also: The Romantic Martyr Syndrome).

*Next, you became part of a two-timing relationship. This is always a dead end—how can you trust a two-timer? You shouldn’t be so surprised that she chose another two-timing relationship after you two broke up (see also: Two Steps for Two-Timers).

*Finally, you chose to stay in this relationship—big mistake! You’ve wasted two years of time, energy, and emotion. Two years is enough time to decide about marriage, yet she couldn’t even decide to stick to one man! (see also: MU and Ambiguous Relationships).

What have you learned? Here’s what I hope you’ll do next time:

*Only get involved with someone who is 100% single and available.
*Find someone who is honest.
*State your intentions, and get a “real” answer–either she’ll be your girlfriend or not.

You seem to have a lot going for you professionally. I hope you’ll now find success in your personal life too.

This is one of the stories you can find in Learning the Hard Way: True Stories of Heartbreak, Healing, and Hope.

Have you made bad relationship decisions that you wish you could take back? Did you ignore the Bible’s warnings or good advice? Would you like others to learn from your mistakes? Would you be willing to share your story anonymously?

I’m interested in starting a new series entitled Learning the Hard Way. This will be an opportunity for my readers to share personal failures and heartbreaks in a “public/private” way: public in that others can read your story; private in that your identity will remain anonymous.

Here’s are some of the basic guidelines to keep in mind:

*I’ll consider stories from anyone, but I’m primarily interested in hearing from Filipinos.

*Your real name and email will be kept anonymous. I will give you a pseudonym or nickname, and I might give some very general information (example: “John,” a first year college student).

*I’ll be responsible for editing the English.

*In some cases I might ad my own commentary to your story.

*Your story must be submitted through email—not in the comments section here. If you are extremely cautious, just create an free email address for the purpose of corresponding with me.

*You must specifically tell me that you are interested in having this story posted on the blog. I never post the content of someone’s email (even anonymously) without his/her permission.

So, do you have something you want to share? Email me—you might just help others to avoid your mistakes.