Category: For Women

Stubborn Love (Encouragement for Singles)

A while back I shared our love story–how Mare Cris and I met and fell in love. Words can hardly express just how happy I am right now.  I’ve only been married a month (as of today), but I can’t imagine life without her.

But there’s another part of the story I haven’t shared. I left it out before because I didn’t want to take the focus off my relationship with my beautiful wife (fiancée at the time of the post).

Here it is:
I went through one of the most difficult seasons of my life before meeting Cris. I experienced two failed relationships within a period of about twelve months. A couple of those months were especially dark, lonely times for me.

Some of these personal issues happened while God was doing some amazing things in my ministry. It was ironic to say the least: ministry had never been better, but I was privately hurting—very deeply at times. Go figure.

The irony, of course, doesn’t stop there. I have written two books about love, yet that season of my own love life seemed to more closely resemble a nightmare than a fairytale.

Perhaps you can relate to some of these emotions I’ve described. Maybe your love life hasn’t turned out as you planned. If so, finding love may require tenacity on your part. You may have to be just plain stubborn about not giving up, regardless of how many times people let you down. 

I could have responded differently when Cris came into my life. I could have chosen not to pursue her, thus protecting myself from another potential disappointment. I could have allowed past hurts to keep me from experiencing her love. Opening my heart once again was, after all, a considerable risk. But I chose to believe God might just have something great in store for me this time.

The Bible never promises a life free of pain—physical or emotional. But we Christians, empowered by the Holy Spirit and with Jesus by our side, always have the choice to move forward with a sense of profound optimism about love and life.

I like the way Proverbs 24:16 puts it: “The godly may trip seven times, but they will get up again.”

I’m so grateful I chose the way of stubborn love. I hope you will, too.

Trust God, and don’t give up on love.

“Be prepared at all times for the gifts of God and be ready always for new ones. For God is a thousand times more ready to give than we are to receive.” -Meister Eckhart

Love vs Lust: Differences

It’s been a long time since I’ve promised to write part two of my post on love vs lust. This is something I talked about on our radio show a while back, and I’ve been meaning to write out the points.

Love vs Lust: Part 1 was more of an introduction—I wanted to clarify that not all attraction is evil.

Now I want to go into greater detail on the differences between love and lust.  I think you’ll find love and lust are worlds apart in their essence. Here goes:

Difference #1 Lust is Inherently Selfish, while Love is Selfless in Nature

Lust is all about me: what I want to do and how I can be gratified. The object of lust is nothing more than a means to an end or way to meet my own wants. There is little regard for the impact my behavior will have on anyone else—especially the object of my selfish desires.

The Bible describes sexual immorality as something that wrongs, defrauds, or takes advantage of another (1st Thessalonians 4:6). This is the nature of lust—usually someone gets what he wants at another’s expense.

Love, on the other hand, always puts the other person’s needs first. I’m not saying we enter romantic relationships with no thoughts of our own happiness or fulfillment. Having said that, a loving relationship is about two people who are mutually concerned with each other’s well being.

Difference #2 Lust Can’t Wait, but Love is Patient

Lust says, “I must have, and I must have now.” Immature, short-term thinking drives lust. This is another reason lust is so dangerous—people are fooled into doing something without considering the long-term consequences of their behaviors.

But “patient” is the first adjective used to describe love in the 1st Corinthians 13 (vs. 4). Love inspires us to delay gratification and think about long-term plans.

I like the way Pastor Rick Warren summarized these first two points:
“Love can wait to give, lust can’t wait to get.” 

Difference #3 Lust Deceives and Damages, but Love Brings Life and Truth 

Lust says, “This will make me happy.” Those who believe the empty promise are ultimately let down. It may be as simple as disappointment with the all-too temporary nature of the thrill.

Tragically, the fruits of lust and sexual immorality are usually much worse: loss of self-respect, emotional baggage, unwanted pregnancy, and in some cases, life-threatening diseases. I’ve heard the stories first-hand, which is why I wrote Learning the Hard Way. 

But love enhances, builds, and creates life. “I love you” are the most important, life-giving words we can hear another speak to us.

Genuine love is also grounded in truth. “I love you” should mean, “I know you, and I love you anyway.” We can give no better example than God’s love for us—He knows us intimately (better than we know ourselves), yet He has chosen to love us anyway.
The ultimate expression of his love, of course, was sending His Son to die for us.

We never regret making choices based on genuine Christ-centered love–it brings life to us and those around us.

Love and lust could not be more different.  I hope this post has helped you understand this. 

Learning the Hard Way