Marital Sex: Intimacy God’s Way

The Only Picture From Our Honeymoon

For years I’ve been writing and speaking about the dangers of premarital sex and other forms of sexual immorality. I was a single campus minister, and I believe this gave me a special empathy for singles struggling to stay pure in our X-rated world.

But now I’d like to share my perspective as a married man. I have experienced sexual intimacy as God intended, and words can hardly express what a blessing it is. Sex is a wonderful gift when it is expressed within the marriage covenant!

Here are three blessings of marital sex:

No Guilt

Many students and singles have contacted me after falling into some form of sexual immorality. All of them have expressed guilt, shame and regret over their choices. Sexual immorality seems to have its own unique brand of crippling emotional consequences.

But sex within marriage has no guilt—zero. Regret simply isn’t part of the equation when a husband and wife enjoy sexual intimacy.

No Danger

The consequences of sexual sin don’t always stop with the emotional (as if that isn’t enough). There are often physical consequences, such as an unwanted pregnancy or a sexually transmitted disease (my second book, Learning the Hard Way, has several testimonies of broken hearts and lives).

My wife and I don’t have to worry about any of these issues. We are planning to wait a while before starting a family. But an unexpected pregnancy would not mean an unwanted pregnancy. Our child (and my wife) will enjoy the security of an intact family.

There’s also no danger of sexually transmitted diseases because we are faithful to each other.

Emotional/Spiritual Fulfillment

The Bible describes sex as a “one flesh” bond. You simply can’t reduce it to an inconsequential physical exchange. God designed sex to be a meaningful and precious component of married life.

My sexual partner is my life partner, and I can’t imagine it any other way. Pleasing each other is part of a much bigger picture—each experience is a joyful step in our lifelong journey together. The profound implications of this “one flesh” union go beyond our personal satisfaction. Sexual intimacy within marriage actually brings glory to God. We can rejoice in knowing God Himself delights in our love!

I’ll conclude with this encouragement:
Don’t settle for cheap counterfeits. Sex as God intended is worth waiting for.

Note:  I’d highly recommend engaged/married couples check out the book entitled Sheet Music: Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage

Stubborn Love (Encouragement for Singles)

A while back I shared our love story–how Mare Cris and I met and fell in love. Words can hardly express just how happy I am right now.  I’ve only been married a month (as of today), but I can’t imagine life without her.

But there’s another part of the story I haven’t shared. I left it out before because I didn’t want to take the focus off my relationship with my beautiful wife (fiancée at the time of the post).

Here it is:
I went through one of the most difficult seasons of my life before meeting Cris. I experienced two failed relationships within a period of about twelve months. A couple of those months were especially dark, lonely times for me.

Some of these personal issues happened while God was doing some amazing things in my ministry. It was ironic to say the least: ministry had never been better, but I was privately hurting—very deeply at times. Go figure.

The irony, of course, doesn’t stop there. I have written two books about love, yet that season of my own love life seemed to more closely resemble a nightmare than a fairytale.

Perhaps you can relate to some of these emotions I’ve described. Maybe your love life hasn’t turned out as you planned. If so, finding love may require tenacity on your part. You may have to be just plain stubborn about not giving up, regardless of how many times people let you down. 

I could have responded differently when Cris came into my life. I could have chosen not to pursue her, thus protecting myself from another potential disappointment. I could have allowed past hurts to keep me from experiencing her love. Opening my heart once again was, after all, a considerable risk. But I chose to believe God might just have something great in store for me this time.

The Bible never promises a life free of pain—physical or emotional. But we Christians, empowered by the Holy Spirit and with Jesus by our side, always have the choice to move forward with a sense of profound optimism about love and life.

I like the way Proverbs 24:16 puts it: “The godly may trip seven times, but they will get up again.”

I’m so grateful I chose the way of stubborn love. I hope you will, too.

Trust God, and don’t give up on love.

“Be prepared at all times for the gifts of God and be ready always for new ones. For God is a thousand times more ready to give than we are to receive.” -Meister Eckhart