Category: For Men

Has this ever happened to you?

You meet someone that really gets your attention. This person is gorgeous, intelligent, witty, sexy, holy, and any other positive attribute you can imagine. There’s just one “little” problem: he/she is in a relationship.

This happens to me all the time and I’m sure it has happened to you. There’s always a chance that you were not the first to notice this wonderful person.

Back during my radio interview, someone asked if it was OK to ask God for someone who is already in a relationship. We joked on the show about asking the Almighty to intervene and cause a break-up. This is what I call being a “romantic vulture.”

My answer to the question was, “yes, theoretically.” Here’s what I mean: unless someone is engaged or married, they are still not in a lifetime covenant. In theory, they are still free to choose someone else. Break-ups can and do happen. Here are just a few things to keep in mind.

*Don’t get your hopes up—after all, this person is not available. Never invest emotional energy into someone who is not available.

*Keep looking for “unattached” people. Don’t sit around waiting for this guy/girl to become available. It may never happen.

*Don’t get involved in “two-timing.” If there is mutual interest, a choice must be made immediately about the current relationship (either stay with the current girlfriend/boyfriend or end the relationship to start something new). Don’t be involved in hiding something from an unsuspecting girlfriend/boyfriend.

*Don’t get involved in a “rebound relationship.” By “rebounding,” I mean getting into a relationship immediately after someone has broken up. This is usually a set-up for failure, especially if someone is leaving a long-term relationship.

*If this person is married, forget about it! God gave us the Ten Commandments for a reason. Getting involved with a married person is a no-win situation for you.

This is one of the many articles that you’ll find in my book: Basta Lovelife: Making Wise Relationship Decisions.

Sometimes I joke that me giving relationship advice is like the blind leading the blind (since it seems I’m always single). Well, today I’m writing about a subject where I have plenty of experience: getting “basted.”*

I can relate to the picture posted here. I vividly remember an experience from my college days. I had a crush on this girl and hoped that she would be my girlfriend (we went out on a date a time or two). My heart sank one afternoon as I was walking through the school parking lot—she was embracing someone else. Not that she had lied to me or anything of the sort—we only went out once or twice and she simply met someone else that she liked more than me. I was officially “basted.”

I heard some helpful advice when I went to the gym that afternoon. A buddy of mine who was older (about 30 or so) told me not to worry about it. He explained that as you get older, you get wiser and don’t get your hopes up so quickly. I think he also gave me some spiritual encouragement to go along with this pep talk.

Now I understand what he means. I’m not nearly as afraid of rejection as I used to be. I still get basted sometimes, but it doesn’t wreck my life and emotions like it used to.

I want to help all of you deal with rejection and the fear of rejection. Let’s get basted!

We should not live in fear of getting rejected. We can recover from rejection. Here are a few things to think about:

Not knowing is much worse than being rejected. The worse case scenario is that you get turned down. For men this would mean that she does not accept your proposal for courtship. For women this may mean that you find out he’s not interested (through more indirect ways). Either way, you know the truth—he/she is not interested. Now you know and you can move on. This is much better than wasting your time on someone who is not interested. It is also much better than wondering “what if I had told her?”

An open rebuke
is better than hidden love!
-Proverbs 27:5

There are other people to choose from. If you get turned down, don’t forget that there are a few billion singles still left in the world. Teenagers sometimes get “tunnel vision” and think that their crush is the center of the universe. Your crush may not be all that you think he/she is. I thought my high school crushes were the only women in the world that deserved my attention. I went to college and suddenly realized there were thousands of other lovely young women in the world. Now I live in a city of over twelve million people. As I’ve seen more of the world, I realize how limited my choices were before. Nothing wrong with marrying a guy/girl from your home town, but don’t forget that the world is bigger than your immediate surroundings.

Our ultimate satisfaction and sufficiency should be in Christ. Of course it hurts if someone turns us down. We should not, however, base our joy and hope on having a certain boyfriend or girlfriend. Understanding who you are in Christ will free you from the fear of rejection. God has expressed His ultimate love by calling us His children:

See how very much our Father loves us, for he calls us his children, and that is what we are!
-1st John 3:1

We are God’s children, accepted and loved by Him! Remember this next time you are feeling hurt or rejected.

God works everything out for our good. We can be confident that God is working in everything for our good. Rejection is in included as part of “everything.” It may be that one day you will need to comfort a friend who also experienced rejection. It may be that God is protecting you from a relationship that is not best for you. Whatever the reason, you can trust God to always act in your best interest. You simply have to have faith to believe this, even when it doesn’t seem like anything good is happening.

And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.
-Romans 8:28

Hopefully these thoughts will help you as you search for Mr/Ms Right. Life is short—don’t be afraid of getting rejected, basted, or whatever else you want to call it. Take it from someone who has been basted plenty of times–life goes on!

*For my non-Filipino readers, “basted” is a slang term that comes from the English “busted.” It means rejected, and it is normally applied to a guy getting rejected as he tries to court a girl.

This is one of the many articles that you’ll find in my book: Basta Lovelife: Making Wise Relationship Decisions.