Category: For Men

Decisions and God’s Will: Tightrope or Playground?

Last week I preached on 1st Corinthians 7. This text includes Paul’s advice/instructions to those who are single. Paul wanted the Corinthians to consider the benefits of remaining single. He also said that getting married was a good, God-honoring choice.

Here’s what I find fascinating about this text: Paul essentially says, “Here are the pros and cons, now you decide.” He did not say, “God will tell you whether to be single or get married.” He did not say, “God will choose your spouse for you.”

Sometimes it seems that we try to be more spiritual than the Bible. I hear people, for example, talk about God choosing their spouses for them. I honestly like this idea, but I’ve never clearly seen it in the Bible.

This way of thinking can lead to some humorous interactions between single men and women. I know of more than one single person who has heard this line: “God told me that you are the one I am to marry.” The bewildered young man or woman then wonders why God didn’t inform him/her of “the plan.” Should I mention that this line is usually used on singles who are absolutely gorgeous?

Others are terrified that God will choose something they don’t want, like forcing them into a life of singleness. Or since God has a sense of humor, perhaps He will choose the ugliest man/woman in your city to be your spouse.

According to Paul, the very choice to marry is ours. Likewise, the person we marry is our choice.

I have a couple of analogies that I think are helpful. They aren’t perfect (analogies rarely are), but at least you’ll have some food for thought.

The Tightrope: Absolute Safety or Absolute Disaster

It seems that some view God’s will as a tightrope, especially when it comes to relationship choices. Stay on the rope and you’ll be absolutely safe–no harm will come to you. Make one wrong move and it’s all over, with no hope of getting back to safety. Every step must be slowly and carefully analyzed. Every move must be perfectly calculated. Some call this the “paralysis of analysis.”

With a tightrope mentality, every painful experience is interpreted as the direct result of your mistake. If you get heartbroken or rejected, it means that you stepped off “the rope” and you deserved it. This sounds extreme, but I constantly hear evidence of this mentality. It is not unusual for a heartbroken single to email me after a breakup. He/she assumes that he/she did something wrong. A perfect “tightrope,” after all, means that you find “Mr/Ms Right” on the first date and walk straight into marriage. Any other result and you’ve obviously departed from “God’s will.”

I think there’s a better way of thinking about God’s will:

The Playground: Boundaries, Bumps, and Bruises

God’s will, like a playground, does have boundaries. He instructs us, for example, to avoid sexual immorality in our relationships. He instructs us to choose singles who are committed Christians. His Word teaches us to make wise decisions. Step outside of His protective commands and you will have major problems–it’s just like leaving the playground’s fence and deciding to play in the street.

Within the playground, however, we will have more than one choice. We have the choice of staying single or pursuing marriage. We have more than one person to choose from if we decide to get married. We must carefully listen to God, but we can trust Him to warn us if we are somehow headed for disaster. There’s no need to be afraid in the playground.

We will probably have a few bumps and bruises along the way. All of us have fallen and scraped our knee a time or two. This is a normal part of growing up. We may get dumped or basted a few times. This doesn’t always mean that you disobeyed God–it is just part of living in an imperfect world.

So what do you guys think? Tightrope or playground–or have my analogies somehow missed the point altogether?

Four Steps to Sabotage Your Future Marriage


Yes, I’m using some reverse psychology.  Here are for steps that may just help you ruin your future marriage.

Have Premarital Sex

If your spouse is your first and only lover, this will create an incredibly strong physical, emotional, and spiritual bond between the two of you. You simply don’t need this if you are going to sabotage your marriage. It’s much better if you engage in premarital sex. This way your spouse will not be your “first” and you can bring plenty of emotional baggage to your marriage bed. If you are lucky, you may even bring some physical complications as well. An STD, for example, could ruin your spouse’s health as well as your own. It wouldn’t have to be one of those big scary STD’s: something as simple as HPV would do. This would give you (or your wife if you are a man) cervical cancer.

Become a Player

If you are going to wreck your marriage, you need to develop some serious character flaws. Two-timing is a good place to start. Cheating, after all, is exciting and gratifying business. Trying to remember all of your lies will keep you on the edge—much more exhilarating than a boring, stable, monogamous relationship. Lying and manipulating will become second nature to you. It’s especially helpful if you can convince yourself that the “right person” will cause you to settle down and be faithful (much easier to blame your player ways on other people). You may believe that a wedding ceremony and a ring will magically change your character. Don’t worry: the habits that you develop will eventually come back. Before you know it, you’ll elevate your status from player to adulterer.

Get Some Vices

A healthy marriage requires two healthy people. There’s a way to make sure you are not emotionally or physically healthy: vices. Smoking cigarettes, for example, will ensure that you have some major health problems. You’ll burden your family with some major medical bills and may send yourself to an early grave. Men, there’s also a good chance that cigarettes will make you impotent—which will obviously cause problems. Alcohol or drug abuse can wreck a family even faster than your nicotine addiction. Porn use/addiction, while not causing physical diseases, can negatively affect intimacy between you and your spouse. Almost any vice will do if practiced regularly.

Be Financially Undisciplined

Money is one of the major causes of conflict within a marriage. You can make sure that there are many problems by mismanaging your finances. Buy whatever you want, regardless of whether or not you can afford it. Borrow money and get yourself in debt. Live beyond your means. Whatever you do, don’t save any money. You don’t want extra money set aside for any of those inevitable expenses of family life. Instead, just borrow more money and deepen your debt as a couple.

Last but not least, choose a partner who is practicing these four steps. Together, you can have your own domestic nightmare!

Note:

I’m not saying that committing one of these mistakes means that you are forever doomed to a bad marriage. My point is that all of these behaviors can affect your future. If you are doing any of these things, please reexamine your life and consider the consequences.