Category: Abstinence

It’s been a long time since I’ve promised to write part two of my post on love vs lust. This is something I talked about on our radio show a while back, and I’ve been meaning to write out the points.

Love vs Lust: Part 1 was more of an introduction—I wanted to clarify that not all attraction is evil.

Now I want to go into greater detail on the differences between love and lust.  I think you’ll find love and lust are worlds apart in their essence. Here goes:

Difference #1 Lust is Inherently Selfish, while Love is Selfless in Nature

Lust is all about me: what I want to do and how I can be gratified. The object of lust is nothing more than a means to an end or way to meet my own wants. There is little regard for the impact my behavior will have on anyone else—especially the object of my selfish desires.

The Bible describes sexual immorality as something that wrongs, defrauds, or takes advantage of another (1st Thessalonians 4:6). This is the nature of lust—usually someone gets what he wants at another’s expense.

Love, on the other hand, always puts the other person’s needs first. I’m not saying we enter romantic relationships with no thoughts of our own happiness or fulfillment. Having said that, a loving relationship is about two people who are mutually concerned with each other’s well being.

Difference #2 Lust Can’t Wait, but Love is Patient

Lust says, “I must have, and I must have now.” Immature, short-term thinking drives lust. This is another reason lust is so dangerous—people are fooled into doing something without considering the long-term consequences of their behaviors.

But “patient” is the first adjective used to describe love in the 1st Corinthians 13 (vs. 4). Love inspires us to delay gratification and think about long-term plans.

I like the way Pastor Rick Warren summarized these first two points:
“Love can wait to give, lust can’t wait to get.” 

Difference #3 Lust Deceives and Damages, but Love Brings Life and Truth 

Lust says, “This will make me happy.” Those who believe the empty promise are ultimately let down. It may be as simple as disappointment with the all-too temporary nature of the thrill.

Tragically, the fruits of lust and sexual immorality are usually much worse: loss of self-respect, emotional baggage, unwanted pregnancy, and in some cases, life-threatening diseases. I’ve heard the stories first-hand, which is why I wrote Learning the Hard Way. 

But love enhances, builds, and creates life. “I love you” are the most important, life-giving words we can hear another speak to us.

Genuine love is also grounded in truth. “I love you” should mean, “I know you, and I love you anyway.” We can give no better example than God’s love for us—He knows us intimately (better than we know ourselves), yet He has chosen to love us anyway.
The ultimate expression of his love, of course, was sending His Son to die for us.

We never regret making choices based on genuine Christ-centered love–it brings life to us and those around us.

Love and lust could not be more different.  I hope this post has helped you understand this. 

Learning the Hard Way

 

Love vs. Lust—Part One: Defining Lust

I talked about Love vs. Lust during my opening segments of the radio show last month. I’ll share some of my thoughts for those who were unable to listen.

A student’s question during one of my seminars inspired me to elaborate on this subject:

“Kuya Kevin, my professor said a good relationship has both love and lust. Is this true?”

I answered by saying her professor was very confused. The misguided teacher probably meant attraction is an important aspect of love and romance. This brings us to an important point:

Attraction and lust are not necessarily the same things.

Physical attraction is not inherently evil or sinful. It can become sinful, but this depends on our attitude.

Let’s consider Jesus’ was warning in Matthew 5:27-28:


“You have heard the commandment that says, ‘You must not commit adultery.’ But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

The Pharisees considered themselves righteous as long as they weren’t having sex outside of marriage. But Jesus was pointing out a deeper problem. The word translated “lust” describes an intense, burning desire for something. Jesus is describing a heart set on self-gratification instead of God’s glory.  God is not impressed when the only reason we aren’t sinning is lack of opportunity.

Let me define lust this way:

Lust is an attitude of disregard for God’s commandments in favor of my own sexual desires. The voice of lust would sound something like this: “I want this, I want it now, and I don’t care who I hurt or dishonor.”

Is there a fine line between sexual attraction and lust? Not in God’s eyes.

But we are plagued by a sinful nature and live in a sinful word. We tend to be either lax or legalistic, though God would have neither (see: Purity: Pendulum vs Plumb Line).  He simply wants to be Lord of everything in our lives, including our physical and emotional appetites.  It’s easy to say this, but none of us ever completely master it–this is one of the many ways we are in desperate need of God’s grace.

The line between lust and attraction may at times be difficult to discern.  The distinction between love and lust, however, is much easier to see.  Check out Love vs Lust Part 2: Differences.