Category: Abstinence

For Women, Part 1: You Lose!

Ladies, I now want to spend some time talking with you about the purity issue. Before I start, I want to restate that I am an advocate of male sexual purity as well as for the females. There are a few things, however, that I want you to think about as a young woman.

I want you to hear something clearly. Premarital sex is the ultimate losing proposition for a woman–it is the ultimate “dead end.” The reason is very simple: biology. If I had God’s power, I think I would cause some of these smooth-talking men to get pregnant. I think their attitudes would change after experiencing some serious consequences nine months after the fact! Well, I don’t have God’s power, and He has given a very special responsibility to women (not men).

As a woman, God has given you a high privilege and honor that men do not have. You have the ability to carry a human life within your own body. You can become a mother, the most precious human role in the history of the universe. Use this gift responsibly!

I simply cannot understand why any young woman would risk getting pregnant by a man who is clearly not ready to be a father. You have nothing to gain and everything to lose by doing this.

Here are some possible life scenarios that can happen to an unmarried pregnant woman:

Abortion: An estimated 400,000 abortions happen in the Philippines every year. Women, not men, are the ones who experience the physical pain and potential complications that come with this “procedure.” I am sure that men experience guilt over abortion. I am equally sure that it is women who suffer more from guilt over murdering their unborn child.

Becoming a Single Unwed Mother: 21% of unwed births here in the Philippines are from women age 15-19; 75% if you include ages 15-24. This is a difficult life. Your dreams of finishing school, finding a career, enjoying single life, and helping your family will be delayed or may be ended altogether.

Getting “Stuck” in a Bad Marriage: For many couples, the “solution” to an unplanned pregnancy is to get married. I’m sure there are situations in which this works out for the best. Other times, however, the woman ends up with a major jerk for a husband. Perhaps she felt she had no other choice than to marry him. Perhaps she did not see his true character until a few months after they were married.

Getting Abandoned: It is not unusual for a man to abandon his girlfriend once he discovers she is pregnant. This type of man is a complete coward as far as I’m concerned—lower than low. It is the woman who is then left to care for the child alone.

Difficulty in Finding a Suitable Partner: Generally speaking, young men are more interested in women who do not yet have children. There are exceptions to this of course, but I am speaking in general terms. Having a child out of wedlock may greatly decrease your chances of finding a good guy.

Are a few moments of pleasure worth these risks?

This is one of the many articles that you’ll find in my book: Basta Lovelife: Making Wise Relationship Decisions.

What a Man Loses in Premarital Sex

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“Sexual laxity does not make you more of a man, but less so; it brutalizes you, and tears your soul to pieces”
-JI Packer, Knowing God

“Lalaki ka, walang nawawala sa’yo” (translation: you are a man, you do not lose anything). This is the attitude some people have about men and sexual activity. Some men think that losing one’s virginity or having sex outside of marriage is no big deal for them. Some believe that it makes you more “manly.” This is not what the Bible teaches!

I want us to look at another Scripture to help us understand this.

1st Corinthians 6:12-19

12″Everything is permissible for me”—but not everything is beneficial. “Everything is permissible for me”—but I will not be mastered by anything. 13″Food for the stomach and the stomach for food”—but God will destroy them both. The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. 14By his power God raised the Lord from the dead, and he will raise us also. 15Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! 16Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, “The two will become one flesh.” 17But he who unites himself with the Lord is one with him in spirit.

18 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. 19Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.

The Bible describes several things that a man can lose through sexual sin:

First, you lose self control. In vs. 12, Paul says that we should not be mastered by anything, including our sex drive. If you begin allowing your sex drive to control you, you will set up a devastating pattern in your life. This pattern can result in: 1. Staying in unhappy, dead-end relationships just for the sake of sex 2. Allowing yourself to be manipulated in hopes of getting sex in return 3. An inability to be faithful because you never took control of your sex drive (these are just a few; the list could go on). I’ve seen these things happen in the lives of some my friends and students. Please don’t let it happen to you.

Second, you lose intimacy. Vs. 19 reminds us that we are the temple of the Holy Spirit. He knows whatever we do—He is with us at all times! When we sin against God we lose our intimacy with Him. We forget that He is always with us. We don’t experience the full joy of our relationship with him.

Losing intimacy with God is bad enough, but you also lose intimacy with your future wife. Paul said that if you unite with someone sexually, you have become one with her (vs. 16). You should be saving this type of affection for your wife.

The study I mentioned in a previous post indicates that men think premarital sex is a good way to “practice” lovemaking skills. The Bible teaches that purity, not practice is the best preparation for your wedding night. You need to know that each woman has unique sexual/emotional needs. The “tricks” you learn may not be a turn-on for the girl you marry. A wise woman would much rather have a clumsy virgin on her wedding night than a man who has already given his body to other women.

Third, you lose yourself. Both Genesis and 1st Corinthians describe sex as becoming “one flesh” with someone. Sex is the most physically intimate thing you can do with someone. Sex begins to lose its true meaning when you experience it outside of marriage. This will affect your soul; your “inner man.”

Finally, you lose safety and security. Paul says that sexual immorality is a sin against our own body (vs. 18). When we sin sexually, we open ourselves to all types of physical consequences, such as disease and the possibility of getting someone pregnant.

So here is what you lose: self-control, intimacy with God, intimacy with your future wife, yourself, and safety/security.

Here are a few more thoughts from Proverbs:
Proverbs 6:26-28
26 for the prostitute reduces you to a loaf of bread,
and the adulteress preys upon your very life.
27 Can a man scoop fire into his lap
without his clothes being burned?
28 Can a man walk on hot coals
without his feet being scorched?

Still think you have nothing to lose?

This is one of the many articles that you’ll find in my book: Basta Lovelife: Making Wise Relationship Decisions.