Category: Abstinence

Premarital Sex and Emotional Baggage

I always warn students about the emotional consequences of premarital sex.  Unlike the physical consequences (pregnancy, etc), emotional consequences happen 100% of the time.  They are an unavoidable part of sexual intimacy outside of God’s will.

One of these consequences is emotional baggage.  I’ll explain this:

I’ve done some research and had some frank discussions with some of my (male) friends who engaged in premarital sex.  Here’s what I’ve learned:  their past sexual relationships “followed” them into their marriage bed.  They visually compared their wives to previous sexual partners.   Past experiences came to their mind while in bed with their spouses.  As you can imagine, there’s a great deal of guilt and grief over this.  They were not able to enjoy the full freedom and intimacy that comes with sexual purity.

Such cases, of course, are not hopeless—many of these guys have gone on to have happy marriages.  It seems time helped them heal from the past.  But I’m sure all of them would have saved themselves for their wives if they could do it all over again.

Think about your own life.  What will you bring to your spouse on your wedding night—purity or emotional baggage?  If you have saved your virginity, keep saving it for your spouse—you will not regret it.  If you’ve already given it away, I advise you to make some changes and stop collecting baggage.

One Flesh: Sex and the Human Soul

For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.
-Genesis 2:24

Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, “The two will become one flesh.”
-1st Corinthians 6:16

The truth is that wherever a man lies with a woman, there, whether they like it or not, a transcendental relation is set up between them which must be eternally enjoyed or eternally endured.
-CS Lewis, The Screwtape Letters

Sexual intercourse is an act of the whole self which affects the whole self; it is a personal encounter between man and woman in which each does something to the other, for good or for ill, which can never be obliterated.  This remains true even when they are ignorant of the radical character of their act.
-Derrick Bailey, The Mystery of Love & Marriage.


According to the biblical authors, sexual intercourse creates a mysterious, unique “one flesh” bond.”
-Richard Foster, The Challenge of the Discipline Life

What does the Bible say about sex?  You don’t have to read very far to find out.  Just read through the second chapter of Genesis and you’ll see God’s plan: one man and one woman in a lifetime covenant of marriage.

One Flesh

But there’s more—a powerful poetic expression: “one flesh.”  These two words describe the physical, emotional, and spiritual bond created by sexual intercourse.  Like it or not, sex is a life-uniting act—the union of two souls.

“Safe sex,” therefore, is a fictitious idea.  We may protect ourselves from the physical consequences of sex, but contraceptive devices do not protect one’s soul.  The emotional/spiritual consequences of non-marital sex are simply unavoidable.

I’ll give you a simple illustration.  Imagine two pieces of paper which have been glued together.  Now, imagine trying to separate the two pieces.  I’ve done this simple demonstration with hundreds of students.  The result is always the same: complete separation is simply impossible.  The bond formed by the glue irreversibly transforms the two pieces into one.

Something similar happens to us when we create permanent, one-flesh bonds within temporary (non-marital) relationships—we tear our soul to pieces.

Think about it.