Every once in a while I’ll watch a track and field event on television. I enjoy these, and I’m particularly fascinated with events that require explosive power or speed.
Sprinting is one such event. It’s a beautifully simple competition: sprinters line up, run with all their might, and the first one to cross the finish line wins. Months of training are reduced to a few fleeting moments on the track.
You will notice something if you look carefully. Sprinters seem to be quite meticulous the way they position themselves on the running blocks. This is understandable–I imagine the way you start makes a huge difference in a race that is won by fractions of a second. A bad start might even cause you to lose to slower competitors.
Consider both this analogy and this passage of scripture:
Unless the Lord builds the house,
Psalm 127:1
those who build it labor in vain.
Unless the Lord watches over the city,
the watchman stays awake in vain.
It’s been a long time since I’ve written anything about relationships. My life and ministry are different now than when I first started this blog (almost 17 years ago). But there’s a relationship principle that’s been on my mind lately. It goes something like this:
The way you begin a relationship can have a profound impact on its long-term health.
Here’s a simple example: you probably know at least one couple that married because of an unplanned pregnancy. And you probably know at least one such couple whose marriage eventually fell apart.
Another example: we know that couples who live together before they get married are more likely to divorce than couples who don’t. Multiple studies have confirmed this.
These are just two examples of many: there are plenty of foolish ways to approach or begin relationships.
The way you start a relationship matters.
The longer I live, the more unfortunate case studies I have observed. A marriage fails, and sometimes you can trace it all the way back to the way the couple began the relationship. God was not a welcomed advisor in the early stages. His commands were not considered. Godly counsel was either not sought or ignored. The couple’s foolish choices eventually bear bitter fruit (sometimes years later).
Just to be clear, there are exceptions to this principle.
I’ve known of couples that seemed to be the perfect role models of godly dating and marriage but ultimately ended up divorced. These examples are reminders that any covenant between two sinners can end up broken.
I’ve also known couples that did everything wrong in the beginning but experienced God’s healing and restoration. They end up with a blessed, stable, Christ-centered marriage (sometimes getting to that point was a turbulent journey, but the fact that they got there is ultimately what matters most). These examples are reminders that God is a God of grace and redemption.
There’s another related truth I want you to consider before I go further: how you finish in life is vastly more important than how you start. The analogy of a sprinter does fall short in this regard because life is a lot more like a marathon. I am profoundly grateful for this because I have stumbled, fallen, and wasted more time than I care to dwell on. I want to finish well!
But I am talking about principles and probabilities as they relate to romantic relationships. How can you, single man or woman, increase your chances of having a successful relationship that leads to a successful marriage?
Here’s part of the answer: be mindful of how you start. Seek to honor the Lord from the very beginning in matters of the heart.
