I have been debating on whether or not to say anything about Josh Harris’ recent announcement that he and his wife Shannon are separating. I’m in a busy season of life, and was not really sure that I have anything to add that hasn’t already been stated.
But the unfortunate news has been on my mind a lot over the past week–maybe it’s because I am the author of two books about relationship and purity issues. His more recent (and more troubling) announcement caught my attention today, so I have decided to write a few thoughts.
Thinking Back
Let me start by rewinding a few years: 
I have read three of Josh Harris’ books, including his best-selling I Kissed Dating Goodbye. I read them, in part, because of the ministry I was doing: sexual purity seminars had become an increasingly important part of my outreach to students in Manila. I wanted to get insights from different Christian authors so I would be better equipped to give advice to my students.
It’s been quite some time since I have read any of his work, but here’s what I remember:
Josh effectively stated the case for sexual purity–abstaining from sexual intimacy until marriage. This is a clear biblical mandate that God has given us for our good and His glory. Josh communicated this to a new generation that, like every generation before, has struggled with submitting their passions to the lordship of Christ.
But I had a hard time relating to some of what Josh wrote. I was in my mid-30’s, and I didn’t see any way I’d ever get married following his strict “courtship” template. The way I met my wife, in fact, looks nothing like what he prescribed.
I found some of his ideas to be legalistic, going beyond the teachings of Scripture. Dating, as I saw it (and still see it), can be done in a godly or ungodly way.
I read books about dating that I thought were much more practical while remaining faithful to the Scriptures. I also wrote books and articles that I hope have helped believers navigate relationship issues in a way that honors God.
Apparently Josh decided he had “lived a crazy, backwards life,” comparing himself to the the movie character Benjamin Button (who aged in reverse). He and his family moved to Canada so he could get some theological training.
I was extremely impressed when Josh Harris began publicly re-thinking I Kissed Dating Goodbye. It was, after all, a book that had sold over a million copies. I cannot imagine the courage it took to listen to hundreds of critics with an open mind.
I watched I Survived I Kissed Dating Goodbye some time over the past year. The documentary was thoughtfully done and I enjoyed it. I sent my complements to him via Twitter.
But I also wondered if Josh was going in a strange direction theologically. Sadly, it appears my concerns were more than a hunch: Josh has now publicly abandoned his faith (he didn’t put it exactly this way, but it’s the best way I know how to summarize his statement).
Where does all this leave us?
Books and people come and go. But we are still left with the unchanging truths of God’s Word:
Sexual intimacy within marriage is beautiful. God designed the “one flesh” union of sexual intimacy to be experienced within the covenant of marriage (Genesis 2:24). True fulfillment is only possible when we use the gift of sex the way God intended.
Sexual immorality is destructive. There’s a sense in which we never break God’s laws–we just break ourselves against God’s laws. Sexual immorality leads to a host of consequences: a false sense of intimacy, emotional baggage, and the list goes on.
God’s grace and forgiveness are real. We are stubborn creatures. We disobey and we fail. We have the scars to prove it. But God’s grace is greater than all of our sins, and we always find Him more willing to forgive than we are willing to come back to Him.
Marriage is worth fighting for. Jesus’ followers seemed shocked when He told them marriage was intended by God to be a lifelong commitment. They said it would be easier just to stay single (Matthew 19:1-10). They did have a point: we are selfish by nature, and marriage is a journey that constantly involves putting someone else’s needs ahead of your own.
But it was God who said that man shouldn’t be alone (Genesis 2:18)–even paradise was incomplete without Eve. And one of the greatest blessings a man can receive is a godly wife (Proverbs 18:22).
My marriage is not perfect because I am a deeply flawed man. But I love my family more than life itself. I love them too much to be lulled into a false sense of security–our marriage could fail if we don’t nurture and protect it (1 Corinthians 10:12). I pray that we will die to ourselves every day so that love may thrive. I pray that somehow, by the grace of God, I will love my wife as Christ loves His church (Ephesians 5:25-33).
God is Faithful, and the Gospel is Still True
I don’t know how Josh ended up at this place spiritually. I don’t have time or the energy to speculate.
Like most believers, I have gone through a crisis of faith (more than one, actually). But I came out more convinced that God loves me and knows what He is doing.
I am sure of this: one million Instagram posts could not change the faithfulness of God or the priceless message of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.
I’m sure there’s a lot more that could be said/written, but I must tend to other concerns.
I’ll end this post with an exhortation from the Book of Hebrews that has been on my mind:
Hebrews 12:1-2
Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.
Note: I have decided to close comments on this post. I am suffering from “outrage fatigue” as of late: I have no interest in arguing with strangers online.
