Ingrid is a radio show host on Mellow 947 in Manila. She is also a friend and fellow blogger. She wrote this post about premarital sex and unwed pregnancy. She has allowed me to repost it here:
Disclaimer: I have never been pregnant so most of the stuff written here are based on observations from my friends and their real-life experiences and how the Lord used them to teach me.
“I am pregnant, you’re the father.” Said a friend of mine to her on-again-off-again boyfriend of two years. Being a woman who talks a mile a minute, never before had she experienced so much difficulty and power with less than ten words. Yes folks, it was more difficult to say than “I Love You”.
The atrocities that transpired over the next 9 months, coupled with the high emotions of a pregnant woman almost led her to commit suicide. Ah yes, that is what happens when things go haywire.
I love my friend as she is and I know that she has committed a mistake. They say we must hate the sin but love the sinner. When I first knew of her pregnancy, I was very disappointed because I remember warning her countless times when she told me that she and her boyfriend were indeed having sex. She was also on her way to becoming a successful celebrity. Very sadly, her world crumbled even before her star shone so bright.
SEX AND THE INFLUENCE OF MEDIA AND PEERS
I have said it before and I am going to say it again—the world has truly become so vile. Sometimes there no longer is that difference between good and evil because the strong belief of self reigns over almost everyone. If you feel very strongly about a certain issue, even if tradition frowns upon it, as long as you believe it is right, then it will be right. Nowadays, that notion is quickly gaining acceptance. Think moral relativism, wherein no universal truth exists.
Years ago, having sex before marriage in the Filipino culture was considered kadiri (gross). I remember the days when boys and girls looked down at liberated members of their generation who have started engaging in sex. Nowadays it is the opposite—virgins are made fun of and are pressured to do the deed in order to please their peers.
Sex is a wonderful, natural gift from God that is meant to be enjoyed within the bounds of matrimony. It is the joining together of two people who love each other, the act that produces offspring as a result of love. This, very sadly, is no longer held up today. More and more people engage in casual sex, which actually scars more women than men. The reasons for that will be discussed in another subject, as this will touch on the difference of men and women.
With the power of media at play, premarital sex is glamorized as celebrities who play real-life roles engage in it as the plot dictates. Once exposed to such, the idea unconsciously deposits itself into our thinking. The more the exposure, the greater the chance of desiring or accepting such ideology.
In my friend’s case, she decided to go on with what she wanted despite warnings from family and Christian friends. “Everybody’s doing it, so I wanna do it too. Intindihin niyo na lang ako (just try to understand me). I enjoy what I’m doing.”
So be it.
PLEASE TELL ME THE ANSWER IS NEGATIVE
It was on a workday last year when her world started to crumble: first off, a delay of the monthly period. If a woman does not engage in sex and gets a delay from her monthly visitor, it’s easy to chalk it up to stress or hormonal imbalance. However, if a woman actively engages in sex, pregnancy is one of the primary reasons if she misses her menstruation.
My friend did a pregnancy test and it confirmed all her fears—2 months pregnant.
How she was in the next couple of days after finding out was what led her to come up front and tell us. She did tell the boy, but he ran away and went to the US. Girls and boys, kindly take note.
Pregnancy is not as easy as going through a break-up or failing your course. It will change your life and things will never be the same.
For the girls, the confirmation of the pregnancy itself can be nerve-wracking—and this is just the first step.
What if you are in school?
What will your parents say?
What will your friends think of you?
Will the guy own up to it?
Lucky you, if the guy owns up to it with the support of his family.
What if he doesn’t?
What if they don’t accept you?
What would you do if no support is available?
Given the above conditions, some would resort to abortion or suicide. All these are dead-ends. Although abortion may appear to ease you of present troubles, the effects will last a lifetime. You can never erase the fact that you ceased the existence of one that already had life.
Yes, it truly is complicated. I have seen many teenagers and unwed mothers go through this and I tell you, the change is distinct.
FOR THE GUYS
As for the guys, you may think you can get away with such, but the Lord has His ways. The fact that you have a child is something that will haunt you for the rest of your life if you don’t own up to it. Of course, when people find out about it, your reputation is at stake. Other than that, the woman has the right to demand support from you, or you meet each other in court.
As mentioned on my entry On Parents, it really will break their hearts to have a child they have loved, cared for, nurtured and protected for many years, end up like this. If they get angry upon receiving the news, it’s not really you they hate, but themselves. They feel as if they did not do enough to guard you from ending up that way.
WHAT THE BIBLE SAYS
God of course, wouldn’t want you to go through such. The Bible prohibits us from engaging in sex before marriage. Here is a question from the website www.gotquestions.org
Question: “What does the Bible say about sex before marriage / premarital sex?”
Answer: Along with all other kinds of sexual immorality, sex before marriage / premarital sex is repeatedly condemned in Scripture (Acts 15:20; Romans 1:29; 1 Corinthians 5:1; 6:13,18; 7:2; 10:8; 2 Corinthians 12:21; Galatians 5:19; Ephesians 5:3; Colossians 3:5; 1 Thessalonians 4:3; Jude 7). The Bible promotes abstinence before marriage. Sex before marriage is just as wrong as adultery and other forms of sexual immorality, because they all involve having sex with someone you are not married to. Sex between a husband and his wife is the only form of sexual relations that God approves of (Hebrews 13:4).
Since we know that this is a sin and we choose to engage in it, we are to suffer the consequences that follow. Now, don’t go thinking that suffering means that the Lord punished you for your wrong doing. Who was it that decided? The Lord gave the command but because we chose to break it, we suffer the consequences as a result of the sin.
Let not this hinder you from coming back to the Father though. If you have sinned, return to him and confess that only He can cancel out sins of the past, present and future. It is He who signed his name over yours on your “sin cards”. Go to the Father and seek forgiveness and reconciliation.
Thanks for your insights, Ingrid! You can read her original post here.
