To Kiss or Not to Kiss?

I’ve had several people ask me if it is a sin to kiss before you are married, so here goes:

Before I start, I simply want to remind you that I base my beliefs on biblical commandments and principles. The Bible does clearly teach that sex before marriage is a sin (1 Thessalonians 4:2-4; Hebrews 13:4; and many other Scriptures attest to this).

The Bible, however, does not really say much about “premarital kissing.” About the only example I can find is Song of Solomon 1:2. Because the Bible does not forbid it, I will not tell you that it is forbidden. I simply want to give you some things to think about.

Some decide that they will not kiss until they are married. There can be different reasons for this decision. I know people who simply decide they want to wait and have their first kiss at the altar to avoid all temptation. I know of other people who have fallen into sexual sin and have a “no kissing” policy to make sure they do not repeat mistakes. I believe this is a wise and honorable decision, and we should respect those who have made such a commitment.

At the same time, we should not condemn those who do not feel this strongly about kissing (or not kissing). I have friends who kissed before they were married but did wait until marriage for sex. Some decide they will postpone kissing until engagement but not until marriage. I don’t think it is biblical or fair to accuse any of these people of being impure. To be honest, I get concerned that some have gotten a little carried away and put too much emphasis on having your first kiss at the altar (see 1st Corinthians 4:6, “Do not go beyond what is written”).

Although the Bible does not forbid kissing, I believe we should think about it carefully. This is why:

Kissing is a form of physical intimacy. We should be careful about any form of physical intimacy—we should think seriously about who we share this with.

Kissing (especially “deep kissing”) can lead to sexual sin. In other words, deep kissing is a physical and psychological step towards sexual intimacy. This may cause you to “go further” than you intended, falling into sexual sin.

Whatever you decide, pray about it, allow God to lead you, and be very careful.

More than anything, I encourage you to only get involved with another person who is committed to sexual purity. This is extremely important if you want to save yourself for your future spouse. Sexual purity only works if both people are committed to it.

This is one of the many articles that you’ll find in my book: Basta Lovelife: Making Wise Relationship Decisions.