Month: April 2007

Avoiding “Rebound” Relationships

REBOUNDING: GREAT FOR BASKETBALL; TERRIBLE FOR YOUR LOVE LIFE

As I’ve mentioned before, one of the biggest mistakes people make in relationships is to rush and move too fast. There’s another similar mistake that singles make in regards to their dating lives: getting a new girlfriend/boyfriend immediately after a breakup. This is often called a “rebound” relationship. Sometimes we are tempted to try to immediately fill an emotional void with a new boyfriend/girlfriend (one of my friends called this “panakip butas”—which roughly translates into “covering the hole”).

Generally speaking, rebound relationships do not work out so well. We usually do not make good decisions when we are still vulnerable from the pain of a breakup. Sometimes we bring the “baggage” from a past relationship into the next one. This can lead to a vicious cycle of failed relationships.

Here are a few things you should do to avoid rebound relationships:

After a breakup, take some time to evaluate the past relationship. See if you can learn some lessons from it. Were you too young to have a girlfriend/boyfriend? Were there warning signs that you ignored? Did your ex have good qualities that you hope to find again? These are questions that you cannot process if you jump into another relationship. These important questions may prevent you from repeating mistakes.

It is also important that you take some time to heal emotionally. Do not enter a new relationship if you are still hurt, angry, bitter, or upset with your ex. This simply makes you vulnerable to really bad decisions. How much time should you take? I cannot give you an easy answer for this. Generally speaking, the longer and more serious the relationship, the longer it will take to heal. There are other factors (the way in which the breakup happened, etc) which may also affect healing time.

Finally, it may be a good idea to learn to stand on your own for a while. Some young people start dating very early and never go without a girlfriend/boyfriend. I believe that this causes an overdependence on romantic relationships for fulfillment. Learn to depend on God for your sense of wholeness and security. If you can learn this important lesson, you will be prepared for a healthy relationship.

Solomon wisely stated that there is a time for everything (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8). If you have experienced a breakup, pray for wisdom before starting a new relationship. Pray that God will lead you to the right type of person at the right time.

This is one of the many articles that you’ll find in my book: Basta Lovelife: Making Wise Relationship Decisions.

Discerning the Truth (part 3)


PART THREE: “RED FLAGS” OF FALSE BELIEFS

Note: This is third post in a series.  You may want to read Part 1 and Part 2 first.

The Bible warns that there are many who preach false beliefs:

Dear friends, do not believe everyone who claims to speak by the Spirit. You must test them to see if the spirit they have comes from God. For there are many false prophets in the world.
-1 John 4:1

I want to tell you a few “warning signs” or “red flags” to look for in terms of false religions/beliefs.

You may be a member of one of these false groups/churches. You may think that I am talking specifically about your church. Trust me when I say that I am not talking about any one particular group–I am speaking of any group that has wavered from the truth of the Gospel. Many of them seem to share these common traits:

RED FLAG #1: denying the Divinity/Deity of Jesus Christ. Some religions teach that Jesus was just a special man, angel, or something that is not equal with God the Father. This simply does not fit what the Bible teaches. The Bible teaches that Jesus was with God the Father since the beginning (John 1:1-3), was worshiped while on earth (John 9:38, Matthew 2:11, Matthew 28:17), will be worshiped at the final judgement (Ephesians 2:10-11), and is the exact representation of God the Father (Colossians 2:15). You simply cannot honestly read the Scripture and conclude that Jesus is not God in the flesh.

RED FLAG #2: Claiming you must be part of their religion to truly be saved. We are saved only through a relationship with Christ (John 14:6). Many false religions, however, teach that they are the “one true church.” They claim that you must be part of their group or be baptized into their group to be saved or to truly please God. Some groups claim that they have the same apostolic authority that Paul or Peter had. This is ironic, since Paul did not put himself about the truth of the Gospel (Galatians 1:8). Remember what I said in previous articles–our authority for truth is the Bible, not someone claiming to be an apostle.

RED FLAG #3: Adding to the requirements of salvation. We are saved by faith in Christ (Ephesians 2:8-9; Romans 4:1-8). Many false religions tend to add to the requirements of salvation, teaching that genuine faith alone is not enough. This is often done to manipulate people into working for or giving money to the church. Many false religions spread rapidly because the members think they can only please God by giving money, going door-to-door, or other acts of service to the church. They are trying to earn salvation, which God is willing to give us freely. Of course God called us to serve Him, but true believers simply do this out of love. I serve God because He has saved me–not because I’m trying to save myself.

For a more in-depth analysis of false religions, I highly recommend The Institute for Religious Research.