Pastor Kevin Sanders

"He must increase, but I must decrease." -John 3:30

Category: Abstinence (page 2 of 10)

Love vs Lust: Part One

Love vs. Lust—Part One: Defining Lust

I talked about Love vs. Lust during my opening segments of the radio show last month. I’ll share some of my thoughts for those who were unable to listen.

A student’s question during one of my seminars inspired me to elaborate on this subject:

“Kuya Kevin, my professor said a good relationship has both love and lust. Is this true?”

I answered by saying her professor was very confused. The misguided teacher probably meant attraction is an important aspect of love and romance. This brings us to an important point:

Attraction and lust are not necessarily the same things.

Physical attraction is not inherently evil or sinful. It can become sinful, but this depends on our attitude.

Let’s consider Jesus’ was warning in Matthew 5:27-28:

“You have heard the commandment that says, ‘You must not commit adultery.’ But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

The Pharisees considered themselves righteous as long as they weren’t having sex outside of marriage. But Jesus was pointing out a deeper problem. The word translated “lust” describes an intense, burning desire for something. Jesus is describing a heart set on self-gratification instead of God’s glory.  God is not impressed when the only reason we aren’t sinning is lack of opportunity.

Let me define lust this way:

Lust is an attitude of disregard for God’s commandments in favor of my own sexual desires. The voice of lust would sound something like this: “I want this, I want it now, and I don’t care who I hurt or dishonor.”

Is there a fine line between sexual attraction and lust? Not in God’s eyes.

But we are plagued by a sinful nature and live in a sinful word. We tend to be either lax or legalistic, though God would have neither (see: Purity: Pendulum vs Plumb Line).  He simply wants to be Lord of everything in our lives, including our physical and emotional appetites.  It’s easy to say this, but none of us ever completely master it–this is one of the many ways we are in desperate need of God’s grace.

The line between lust and attraction may at times be difficult to discern.  The distinction between love and lust, however, is much easier to see.  Check out Love vs Lust Part 2: Differences.


13 Year Old Father: The Truth

Anyone remember the story of Alfie Patten, the so-called “13-year-old father?”

I wrote my thoughts on this last February, expressing skepticism and sadness about the story.

Turns out I was right, but the truth is still tragic.  DNA test revealed the child’s father is Tyler Barker, age 14 (at the time of the child’s birth–he was only 13 at the time of the child’s conception).

You can read the whole story HERE.

I realize this is “old news.”  I meant to write about it back when I first followed up.  But I bet many of you have forgotten about it.

I just want to encourage everyone to think about two things:

1. The consequences of premarital sex are very real.

2. Not every sensational story you read is true.

More HPV Dangers

One of the first purity articles I ever wrote was about the human papillomavirus (HPV) (See For Women: HPV: Three Deadly Letters).

HPV is in the news again, and it isn’t good.  A form of head and neck cancer called oropharyngeal squamous cell carcinoma (OSCC) has been linked to HPV, and cases of this type of cancer have risen dramatically over the past few years.  In other words, HPV is being transmitted through oral sex, resulting in a sharp increase in the number of cancer cases.

A recent study found the risk of developing oropharyngeal carcinoma was linked to a history of six or more lifetime sexual partners, four or more lifetime oral sex partners, and, for men, an earlier age at first sexual intercourse.

“Sexual transmission of HPV – primarily through orogenital intercourse – might be the reason for the increase in incidence of HPV related oropharyngeal carcinoma,” wrote Mehanna.

The experts pointed to recent studies which showed a 70 per cent increase in the detection of HPV in biopsies taken to diagnose oropharyngeal carcinoma in Stockholm since the 1970s.

HPV-related cancer was also reported in 60 to 80 per cent of recent biopsy samples in studies in the United States, compared with 40 per cent in the previous decade, they wrote.

Excerpt taken from this article: Oral sex link to head cancer

What lessons can we learn from this?

I always warn students about the dangers of any form of sexual intimacy outside of marriage.  I usually talk about the emotional/psychological impact, but now there are even more physical consequences to consider.

As always, we see that God knows best.  Save sexual intimacy for marriage–you will be protecting yourself and your future spouse from a potentially deadly virus.

The Price of Purity

Let’s face it: there’s a price to pay for about anything worthwhile. Sexual purity is no exception.

Here’s a simple example:

I’ve heard from several young women who are still saving their virginity for their future husbands. Do you know what almost all of them have in common? They’ve broken up with boyfriends who were pressuring them to have sex. This of, course, is a smart move—letting go of a temporary relationship in exchange for lifetime benefits of sexual purity (not to mention avoiding the spiritual, emotional, and physical consequences of premarital sex). Simply put, it is a price they are willing to pay for the sake of purity.

So here’s my question: what price are you willing to pay for purity?

Are you willing to break up with Mr. Bolero?

Are you willing to get an accountability partner and honestly talk to him/her about your struggles?

Are you willing to endure peer pressure and be teased by your friends?

Are you willing to avoid sexually explicit materials (internet, magazines, movies, etc) that sabotage your commitment to purity?

These are just a few questions you need to honestly ask yourself.

Purity doesn’t happen by accident.

See also: The Clueless and the Careless

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