Pastor Kevin Sanders

"He must increase, but I must decrease." -John 3:30

Younger Boyfriend (Age Gaps and Relationships)

I’m sure some of you were unable to listen to last week’s radio show/podcast. We’re working on making it available on-demand over at The Edge. Anyway, here’s one of the questions that was asked:

Hi, Kuya! I have been so blessed by your ministry. I have been reading your blogs and found them extremely helpful.

I am a single woman in my early 30’s. I’ve always believed age doesn’t really matter in relationships. Right now I’m being courted by a significantly younger guy (he is over ten years younger than I). He is very mature for his age, but I’m still unsure about this relationship. Can you give me some advice?

First and foremost, I greatly appreciate your encouraging words and I’m thankful to have you as a reader.

I’ve written about age gaps before, but I think it may be helpful to specifically address this issue for women considering younger men.

The Scripture is basically silent on the issue—God has not given us a standard for acceptable age differences in a marriage relationship. Having said that, I think there are some practical issues you should consider here. As I always say, God expects us to use discernment and make wise decisions (see: The Two Commandments).

I want you to consider three factors in regards to this young suitor:

1. Maturity
2. Stability
3. Biology

1. Maturity: People need to be at compatible levels of maturity in order to get along. I won’t say “equal” levels, because no two people are at the exact same level.

It’s possible he is very mature for his age and this isn’t a problem. The age difference may come into play in your conversation: after all, he has grown up in a different decade. But with compatible maturity levels this may not be an issue.

2. Stability: This one is a bit tougher. A significantly younger suitor is less likely to be stable, especially in terms of his career and financial status. There could be exceptions here–maybe he’s already graduated and started his career. But this is one of the potential disadvantages to a younger boyfriend. I’m not saying you should look for someone who is rich. But younger men (especially those who are still studying) are less likely to be financially stable and able to provide you with the necessities of life.

3. Biology: Here’s where the younger boyfriend really tends to have disadvantages, especially if there is a significant age gap. You are at the age where you are ready to have children. This time window will not last forever (the so-called “biological clock”). I’m not sure if he’ll be ready to become a father in a timely manner.

I would encourage you to prayerfully consider all these factors. This young man may be the exception to the rule—he may be mature, stable and ready to start a family. My greatest concern is that you may waste valuable time on someone who is not ready for a lifetime commitment.

Kuya Kevin

1 Comment

  1. Hi there! I love reading your posts and your advices here are really helpful and informative. I just want to say something. Age is just a number. Don’t let it hinder you from loving someone because you might regret it later on in your life. But make sure he is not the type that needs a sugar mommy. 🙂

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