I’d like to talk about a mistake many singles make in searching for love.
Let me first introduce the concept of “tunnel vision.” The idea is you look at something with a constricted or narrow view, as if looking down a tunnel. You only see limited options or possibilities.
Some singles are guilty of “romantic tunnel vision”—fixating on only one person as a potential love interest. I frequently made this mistake in my younger days.
I’m not talking about faithfulness within a relationship. I’m talking about what happens while still in that “searching” stage.
It goes something like this:
*You meet someone you like. He or she is attractive, funny, smart, and all those other good qualities you’ve been hoping to find.
*You spend all your time thinking about this new person and don’t notice any other members of the opposite sex.
*It becomes clear this relationship isn’t going to happen—he/she is not interested or not available.
*Christians add another twist to this: they pray to God and ask Him to intervene—as if the Almighty will force the object of your desire to like you.
*You remain fixated on “Mr./Ms. Not-Going-To-Happen,” refusing to let go. For guys this means you don’t pursue anyone else. For girls it means you ignore other potential suitors.
*The end result is a lot of wasted time—time which you could have used exploring other possibilities.
How can we avoid this trap? I’ll give different answers for guys and girls.
I remember a guy asking me if it’s OK to pray about a girl he likes. “Sure,” I answered, “but you better talk to her and see if she’s interested. Otherwise you are wasting your prayers.”
If you like a girl, tell her and court her. Just move on if you get rejected—don’t dwell on it. At least you tried, and at least you know.
Occasionally a girl will ask me how to know if a guy likes her—as if there are some subtle hints she should be reading. Here is my answer: Never make assumptions. We men are not that complicated. If a guy likes you, he’ll tell you and do anything he can to win your heart.
It’s fine to spend time around a guy you like. But it’s time to move on if he doesn’t clearly demonstrate intent to court you. Be open to other suitors.
There are plenty of singles out there to choose from. It just doesn’t seem like it when you see the world through a tunnel.
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