Pastor Kevin Sanders

"He must increase, but I must decrease." -John 3:30

Dust and White Flags

It’s been a pretty good week for the most part.  I visited a couple of campuses, had a mid-week worship/fellowship time here at the apartment, recorded the radio show, and managed to train in the gym.

But today was not so good.  I had insomnia last night.  My mind started racing as soon as my head hit the pillow.  This happens to me every once in a while.  Maybe it’s because of my personality type.  I’m an INTP, which means I have a tendency to analyze and process things–to live inside my head, so to speak.  I vaguely recall being awake until two or three in the morning, waking up periodically, and finally getting up around eight.

Not long after waking I realized just how little sleep I had last night.  This was a problem: sleep deprivation has always been my Achilles heel.  I can keep up with energetic college students as long as I get six or seven hours of shut-eye.   But lack of sleep destroys me.

I didn’t make it to campus.  I was just too mentally and emotionally drained–I had to raise the proverbial white flag.  I did introduce myself to a group of students waiting for a bus, but that was about the extent of my face-to-face ministry today (I was on the way back from grocery shopping).

It’s kind of funny it happened this week. Wednesday afternoon we studied Psalm 103 (one of my favorite chapters in the Bible). Here’s one of the verses:

For he knows how we are formed,
he remembers that we are dust.

-Psalm 103:14

I’ve been thinking about this verse all day.  Wednesday we talked about Adam being formed “from the dust of the ground” (Genesis 2:7).

But it became really personal today.  My God knows just how weak and frail I am.  He knows a sleepless night can transform me from campus evangelist to lethargic couch potato.

He loves me anyway–even on days when I have nothing to offer (not that He’s impressed with what I have to offer in the first place). 

Thank you, Lord, for knowing me and loving me anyway.


  1. ABOUT INSOMNIA—i think everybody experiences that once in a while. I also experience being awake for how many hours at night(for me, it’s an adjustment in my sleeping patterns,especially when i was still working in a graveyard shift;sleeping in the morning and working at night during work days and then sleeping at night during weekends; and I’m still adjusting until now).

    But according to the article i read:

    “Time of day serves as a powerful cue to your body clock that it is time to sleep and awaken. Go to bed and wake up at the same time each day, and it will be easier and easier to fall asleep. Make your bedtime when you are normally feel tired, so that you don’t toss and turn. Try not to break this routine on weekends when it may be tempting to stay up late or sleep in. If you want to change your bedtime, help your body adjust by making the change in small daily increments, such as 15 minutes earlier or later each day.”

    you can learn more about it here: life/sleep_tips.htm

    just a verse for you: “I lie down and sleep;I wake again, because the LORD sustains me.”-Psalm 3:5(NIV)

    But if u experience insomnia again (i hope not anymore:)), spend time in prayer and read the Bible instead of struggling to get some sleep. Enjoy God’s presence. You can also listen to christian music and be encouraged…

    i agree with what you said,”He loves me anyway–even on days when I have nothing to offer.” And i believe God will not force us to do something when we are weak. God knows us and he knows when we are weak and when we are strong and He is not always after with what we can do in His Kingdom, he is also concerned with who we are and how we are. He is not just our LORD, but He is our Father who is so concerned with our whole being.

    I remember what happened to Elijah (although it wasn’t about insomnia; it was about when he ran for his life and felt weak-when prophets were killed during his time).He went a day’s journey and felt weak. God didn’t tell him , “hey, stand up and prophesy to people, do the things that you need to do.” But an angel touched him and said, “Go and eat” So he ate and drank water and laid down again and after that, the angel of the Lord touched him again and told him to eat again and he did and after that, God told him to go to the Mountain of God and experience His presence there before he was sent to anoint a King. (1 Kings 19:1-15).

    God loves you more than what you can do to Him.He is not a slave driver or a user. He is our Father who always wants the best in every aspect of our lives.

    Have a nice sleep this week,enjoy every minute when you spend time with God each day and have a great week in your ministry!

  2. Ako din. i can’t stand not having a good sleep. I get loopy.

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