Pastor Kevin Sanders

"He must increase, but I must decrease." -John 3:30

Premarital Sex and False Intimacy

I often talk about the emotional consequences of premarital sex (regret, emotional baggage, etc).  Here’s one that I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned:  a false sense of intimacy.

Here’s what I mean:  as I’ve mentioned before, sex creates a mysterious, “one flesh” bond between two people.  This powerful emotional attachment was designed by God for married people.

But sexual intimacy outside of marriage clouds one’s perception of his/her relationship.  A couple can get caught up in the emotional attachments of sex and think they are deeply in love.  But once the excitement wears off, they may realize they had very little in common other than physical passion.

This is one more reason God commands us to abstain from sexual intimacy outside of marriage:  He wants us to make wise decisions and choose a truly compatible spouse.

 

8 Comments

  1. ABSOLUTELY TRUE!

    Marriage and relationship is more than physical passion, there should be something more there than physical attraction, something that lasts longer.

    We associate love “too much” with physical passion, yes, it has to be there but it isn’t everything.

  2. Thanks, guys. Water cooler, thanks for informing me of the re-post and for including a link back to my blog.

  3. The “one flesh bond” is also referred to as “soul ties.” I know how that felt. An invisible bond remains with an ex. It can reflect itself as recurring memories, fantasies, regrets, dependencies, etc. Only through the power of the cross one can break from it.

  4. I read somewhere that because the chemical Oxytocin (super glue of the heart) is released during sex, the couple WILL bond regardless of their intent to do so. God allowed bonding to happen during sex precisely so that husbands and wives are less critical of each other, and can stay together. Take the bonding outside of where it’s intended, and you have a guy and girl who are hopelessly “blind” to red flags in their relationship. They either end up staying for the wrong reasons, staying too long, or worse, marrying each other only to discover many devastating things too late.

  5. GOOD MORNING, I JUST READ UR ARTICLE, AND IT SO MUCH INTERESTING, ,,,,i agree of the message that ur trying to emphasize, my mother told me that i should’nt commit stain in my whole being, to keep my self clean at the time im walking in the aisle at the time of my marriage in the future, thanks for ur encouragement…..

  6. Yup! I totally agree!

  7. I have some clarifications, RE: But sexual intimacy outside of marriage clouds one’s perception of his/her relationship. A couple can get caught up in the emotional attachments of sex and think they are deeply in love. But once the excitement wears off, they may realize they had very little in common other than physical passion.

    We all know also that sex is one of the essential ingredients in married life. What if ul find out later that u r not sexually compatible with your spouse since you r not into PMS before you get married? And incompatibility affects your married life?

  8. Good question, Princess.

    Having premarital sex actually sets the stage for sexual dissatisfaction. Think about it: if you are “test driving” all your partners then you’ll be comparing all of them and bringing baggage into your marriage.

    No two people are 100% compatible, sexually or otherwise. That’s why you have to adjust to each other, compromise, and be committed to meet your spouse’s needs.

    Ultimately it comes down to whether or not you trust God. Either He knows best or He doesn’t.

    Blessings!

Comments are closed.