Pastor Kevin Sanders

"He must increase, but I must decrease." -John 3:30

Sexual Purity: The Clueless and the Careless

I regularly hear from those with broken hearts and broken lives.  Sometimes it’s an email from a young adult who read my book.  Sometimes it is a text message from a student in distress.  Sometimes I have no idea how an individual got my contact information.

I’ve noticed something.  It seems most of the broken-hearted fall into one of two categories:

I’ll call the first category the clueless.  Clueless people are spiritually lost.  They grew up with little or no understanding of purity and wisdom.  They probably had some vague idea of “it’s better to wait,” but this isn’t enough in our world.  Their relationship decisions were ultimately based on undisciplined passion and misguided notions.

Unfortunately, ignorance does not protect us from consequences of sexual sin.  The clueless often contact me in the midst of tremendous pain.  Sin, while pleasurable for a season, always leads to long-term suffering.

But there’s another type of person I hear from all too often.  These individuals have learned about God’s standards of purity. They have committed themselves to Christ.  Many of them grew up in a Christian church, and some are even actively involved in ministry.  Despite all of this, they end up making the same decisions as the clueless.  Some of their stories, in fact, turn out to be most scandalous.

How does this happen?  Well, I’ll call this second group the careless.  As the name implies, they simply let their guards down.  Instead of fleeing sexual temptation, they walked right into it (see 2nd Timothy 2:22; 1st Corinthians 6:18).  They embraced the idea of purity, but failed miserably in practical application.

The stories of the careless make me think of Paul’s warning to the Corinthians:

So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall!
-1st Corinthians 10:12

With all of this in mind, let me leave you with a few admonitions:

1. Just one mistake can be incredibly costly.  This is especially true when it comes to sexual sin.  If you believe this, live your life accordingly.

2.  No one is above temptation.  If you think there’s something you would “never do,” please think again.

3.  Purity doesn’t happen by accident.  If you want to keep your purity, guard it!

These are some of my final thoughts in Learning the Hard Way: True Stories of Heartbreak, Healing, and Hope (I expanded upon this post for the book).


  1. You got it! Very factual.. =)

  2. Oh so true.


    If you play with fire, you’ll definitely get burned.

  3. Excellent article, KK. Very good reminder to the careless amongst us (me included) to be on our guard.

  4. Excellent post. Running right up to the edge of sin is really just asking for that nudge … which is sure to come.

    That applies to so many situations, but certainly sex is a particularly-potent example in this culture and time.

  5. I agree with your post Kuya Kevin. We have to note that when we speak of consequences, we don’t just mean emotional pain, pregnancy or lost virginity. They may not be good but the ETERNAL consequences of sexual sins are worse. God is holy and He simply hates lust.

    1 Thessalonians 4:7-8
    For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. Therefore, he who rejects this instruction DOES NOT REJECT MAN BUT GOD, who gives you his Holy Spirit. (emphasis mine)

    I also struggled with sexual sin Kuya Kevin. I am speaking based on what God has revealed to me. I became a Christian yet the sin was still there. It made me question myself if I was sincere in receiving Christ. It turned out that I did not know God well. I overlooked one of His characteristics: Holiness.

    Now, God has instilled a fear in my heart. A healthy fear of God’s wrath that will surely come if He catches me unfaithful during the judgment day. The Bible says that we do not know when that day will come. Of course, He has forgiven me for my past sins. Praise Him! But if I continue to dwell in this sin, then it is already I who is making the choice to disregard Him as the LORD of my life. If my lips say that I love Him, my life has to show it too.

  6. liked ur post! so true 🙂

    i’m a 19 year old girl and against pre-maritial sex.

    every time my bf and i quarrel, i am so glad that i have stood firm cus i know that it will only serve to haunt me if my relationship doesn’t work out.

    just my 2 cents ^^

    read my blog if you like my ideas =D

  7. Shu,
    If your boyfriend is pressuring you to have sex, YOU NEED TO DUMP HIM NOW!

    There is NO excuse for a guy to put pressure on you to have sex. If he is doing this, you already know he does not love you–DUMP HIM!

  8. hahaha!

    i’m sorry if i gave you the wrong impression.

    he did ask initially, but he definitely did NOT pressurize me 🙂 now he hasn’t mentioned it for a long time already, don’t worry. i assure you he respects me 100%.

    thanks for concern btw 🙂 i appreciate it ^^

    sorry i have to delete your comment on my blog, no offense, just that i don’t want my bf feel bad or anyone else to judge my bf. thanks 🙂

  9. Shu,
    I’m glad he’s not pressuring you. If he ever ask again, it’s time to break up.

  10. Indeed,you’re right.We need to guard
    ourselves from all the tempatations…and this one is the most potent one.Our no.1 enemy(the devil)always encourages or lure us to doing such thing and even tell us that it would make us feel good and satisfied.But,what he doesn’t want to tell us is the consequences after giving in to it.That’s like Eve,she was tempted to eat the fruit because she was told that it would give her wisdom and knowledge if she would eat it.Sounds very interesting,yet distructing after doing it.It haunts you for the rest of your life.So,what we all need is to put on the armor of prayers and reading God’s words.If you pray the prayer of Jabez,that’s very effective.Let me state the last 2 lines…” May your hands be upon us.And keep us away from evil.

    When we don’t pray much and read His words,we tend to get weak and that’s where the enemy wants to lure us into something that we’re attracted to..(“The spirit is willing,but the body is weak.”).Then,later on we realize that we’re hook into it already.That’s what we call habitual sin.The kind of sin that someone keeps on doing not because he/she likes it,but because he’s/she’s addicted to it.With this he/she needs to be delivered from this particular sin.

    I hope this will make us all realize that everyone needs to PRAY so hard for strength…2Thessalonians 5:17

    Thanks for this blog,Kuya K.Happy Resurrection Sunday in advance.May peace,joy and love of God be with you this day and for slways

    From MM of
    Great Falls,Mt.U.S.A

  11. Hi Kuya Kevin,

    Good morning from Montana,USA.
    I pray and hope that you have an amazing Easter Celebration.However you celebrated it.

    I read my post just now.And I want to apologize for mispelling a word and for my “grammatical number.”Instead of using plural,I used singular.I’m sorry about that.Simple notes sometime can be missed up if we don’t try to review our work.

    Leasson learned:

    Don’t be so confident with your “self.”Try to review,rethink and reread before it gets to late.

    Thanks and have a great week ahead,Kuya.

    Great Falls,

  12. MM,
    We’ll overlook typo’s and grammatical errors 🙂

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