Pastor Kevin Sanders

"He must increase, but I must decrease." -John 3:30

Premarital Sex and Emotional Baggage

I always warn students about the emotional consequences of premarital sex.  Unlike the physical consequences (pregnancy, etc), emotional consequences happen 100% of the time.  They are an unavoidable part of sexual intimacy outside of God’s will.

One of these consequences is emotional baggage.  I’ll explain this:

I’ve done some research and had some frank discussions with some of my (male) friends who engaged in premarital sex.  Here’s what I’ve learned:  their past sexual relationships “followed” them into their marriage bed.  They visually compared their wives to previous sexual partners.   Past experiences came to their mind while in bed with their spouses.  As you can imagine, there’s a great deal of guilt and grief over this.  They were not able to enjoy the full freedom and intimacy that comes with sexual purity.

Such cases, of course, are not hopeless—many of these guys have gone on to have happy marriages.  It seems time helped them heal from the past.  But I’m sure all of them would have saved themselves for their wives if they could do it all over again.

Think about your own life.  What will you bring to your spouse on your wedding night—purity or emotional baggage?  If you have saved your virginity, keep saving it for your spouse—you will not regret it.  If you’ve already given it away, I advise you to make some changes and stop collecting baggage.



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  3. Hello, I was able to found your page through my adsense. I am not usually clicking my own ads but your ad was written in tagalog and so I clicked it. Your page is so amazing..I love reading your articles..This should be read by teenagers…I will put you on my links..thanks..:>

  4. Shirgie,
    Thanks for reading. Sometimes I wonder if people stay around and read after clicking the ad. Glad to know you did.

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  8. This is really true, the emotional baggage will always be there. That’s why i’m reserving myself right now heheheheheheh

  9. I happened to find your blog while dropping on ECs, I liked reading this post and would definitely recommend it to my siblings and unmarried friends to read as well. And I’ll probably visit back often to check out more of your posts… Keep up the good work!

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  12. wow… this is soo true…
    i’m currently in a relationship and i have to say this is one of my struggles…
    it’s just that i’m a girl, so i dunno.. it’s hard also for my boyfriend since there’s this baggage that comes with it..

    but then i’m thankful.. both of us are Christians and we can testify to the fact that it’s only God who can help ease the situation in relatioships..

    thanks so much and i love your blog! 🙂

  13. I love your articles here about love. I wish katulad mo ako.. Siguro kuya ang dami mong experiences about sa life. Ganda tlaga dito.. I will be one of you fan kuya.

    Keep it up kuya. You inspired me today and hope you inspire din ang ibang mga readers..:)

  14. i think that you can save a lot of females kuya kevin.i will put ur banners on my friendster account(mayo sioson)…i dont know if it will matter that much but i have been looking for someone to shed some light on my relationship.thank you for a [email protected]

  15. hi kuya kevin!!!
    actually this is my first tym to read this site ..
    uhmm.i just want to ask you a question…
    im jusz confuse..what is the meaning of spark..
    some of my frends who have relationship alawys talks about that so called”spark”. i wanna ask them but im shy…
    ^~^ can you help me??

  16. They are probably talking about a sense of attraction.

  17. i have read your column.. it is really worth reading for…a shout for the youth today.
    Hi.. i am engage in premarital sex.
    i don’t know whom i wanna talk to about this matter,,i had a bf before and i must admit that i do love him so much in behalf of his vise. He got me and in the end, i end up loser. I thought his the one so i gave my self to him, he was my first and hoping that he will be the last, we did it not just once and then one day i wake up and heard him saying its over. He says that he doesn’t love me anymore as he were before and left me a words he says “let see after 6 years if we were really meant for each other”. i don’t know what to do, i lost my pride and i even lose my self. I need your advice.

  18. Are you still with him? You shouldn’t be. My advice would be to get out NOW before you get pregnant.

    Just email me if you’d like more advice.

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