Pastor Kevin Sanders

"He must increase, but I must decrease." -John 3:30

The Two Types of Men

When it comes to relationships, I believe there are basically two types of men: protectors and predators.  I’ll describe each.

Protectors

As the name implies, a protector is interested in protecting the heart, purity, and reputation of any woman he is in a relationship with.  He wants to postpone sex until marriage, and his actions prove it.  A protector puts her needs before his own.  The woman in his life feels completely safe: she feels loved, honored and at peace with her own conscience.

Predators

A predator is not safe to be with.  He is primarily interested in his own wants, and women are simply a means to that end.  A predator can be charming, smooth, persuasive, and manipulative—after all, he must carefully disguise his true nature and intentions.  He seeks his own gratification, indifferent to the harm he causes.  Sooner or later, the woman in his life loses: she loses her innocence, self-respect, and maybe more.

Ladies, what kind of men are you choosing?

Men, what kind of man are you choosing to be?

See also: The Two Types of Men, Part 2

37 Comments

  1. waaaaaaaaaaah nasa babae na un ung anong gusto nya sa isang lalake pero karamihan sa babae ang gusto sa isang guy ung matino na ma diskarte 😀

  2. Meron pa! How come the marginalized sector of society is never included in these kind of posts. hehe

    The Fat Nerd

    The Fat Nerd has never been on a real date with a girl. And girls often find him weird. The Fat Nerd wants to be a protector of women’s purity, but nobody is really interested.

    🙂

  3. …the fat nerd….

    I disagree 1,000 percent! Physical attraction don’t last. Looks only come third to Spirituality and personality.

    Of course, it depends on the kind of woman you’re looking for. But we have to take care of ourselves too, at least, be healthy.

  4. fat nerds aren’t even interested in girls. They spend more time in front in the computer and reading comic books.

    anyway @ topic:
    Protectors are uber rare. as in epic-rare

    and Predators seem to get what they want most of the time.

  5. Anonymous,
    I was a bit of a fat nerd in my pre-teen and early teen years. I was interested in girls, but they weren’t too interested in me.

    There are protectors out there–it just takes patience and wisdom to find them.

  6. protectors are not so very common but they are really mysterious and deep..and they are really interesting…

  7. And why is it so that protectors are often doubted as “bading”(gays)?

    Like, I have this one non-christian colleague who felt disgusted at the guy who didn’t dare kiss her on their first date, nor did he do anything to her even though she got drunk and fell asleep in his car after several months of going out together. She dumped him after that and spread her notion around in the office that he must be a gay.

    How can you discern that a “protector” guy is not a “bading”? (sigh!)

  8. Let’s not confuse self-control and respect with homosexuality. If that is your mentality, you put a man in a no-win situation; either he acts like a hormonal jerk or he gets accused of being gay. Let’s use some common sense here.

  9. Kuya Kevin this doesn’t just apply to Men it also applies to Women i know a bunch of Women Predators… they are skillful and stealthy!!!! you’ll never know it was her

  10. Predators get what they want because you give it to them so have some self-respect …DON’T!

    You can tell gay guys from ones who are not, naman, if you can’t, something’s wrong with you or you’d only been able to go out with jerks. If you’re complaining a guy didn’t take advantage of you while you’re drunk THEN everything is wrong with you..naman, sobrang low na ng values mo, kaya talagang only gays will date you…

    Sobrang blunt ba?

  11. “Kuya” Kevin,

    Found you on my BlogCatalog widget.

    First of all, I am a man and I am happily married for more than 12 years. I am NOT the best husband in the world, but I am protecting my wife in all the best I can.

    By the way, I think predator men do not even deserve to be called men. For me, they are beasts and have no space here on earth.

  12. Thanks for visiting!

  13. Huh. I have to believe that protectors exist, but I’ve never known one.

  14. still anonymous

    10/22/2008 at 9:50 pm

    Do you believe that a woman makes a predator or a protector of a guy? Meaning, how she conducts herself creates a predator or protector of him?

  15. “I disagree 1,000 percent! Physical attraction don’t last. Looks only come third to Spirituality and personality.”

    call me idealistic but i get turned off with a guy who falls for women because of looks. Sadly, its the first thing seen. Whats really more important is what the mind and the heart contains.

  16. Still Anonymous,
    I think a man has to take responsibility for his own character. In the same way, a woman has to take responsibility for who she chooses to be with.

    Anonymous,
    I deal with the subject of physical attraction in my book. We have to be balanced and realistic–attraction is a gift from God, but we have to keep it in prosper perspective.

  17. to anonymous…

    “call me idealistic but i get turned off with a guy who falls for women because of looks.”

    I’ d only get turned off with a guy like that if fell for a woman who has nothing more than looks to offer, like no spirituality or good moral values.

    but I do take my caps off to ones who can look beyond and pass the outer layer but let’s admit it, those are very rare find.

  18. still anonymous

    10/23/2008 at 10:10 pm

    “just me, ” may I say that I like the way you write-your choice of words 🙂

    I wish to meet that rare find you wrote about,
    more importantly, I would like to be that rare find! as Iam guilty at times, but I have learned to be wiser over time.

  19. love the discussion! nerds are’t always fat. sometimes they’re downright sexy, just not interested in girls the way we girls want them to be. and that can be quite frustrating… but predators seem to outnumber the protectors who are too “protected” to be seen.

  20. well, still anonymous, be the rare find then and you’ll be found.

  21. still anonymous

    10/24/2008 at 10:16 pm

    http://dating.personals.yahoo.com/singles/datingtips/86261/10-signs-that-youre-dating-a-commitment-ready-guy

    found this link at yahoo. Title reads “10 Signs That You’re Dating a Commitment-Ready Guy.”

    what are your thoughts? especially from a Scripture based perspective? many thanks,

  22. Well, I think it is a pretty decent article. Nothing in it that I would strongly disagree with.

  23. gs2 q man pliin un protector pro iba npunta skin e.:/

  24. bastah ang alam ko nsa lalaki ang dlawang traits na yan! plit lng ng plit!

  25. Jesus Freak '90

    01/14/2009 at 12:57 pm

    im happy to hear this… reminds me that im not alone in this battle. thanks kuya kevs. God bless

    i’d just like 2 know (all) that though there is a massive number of “predators”, there are many “protectors” around. so ladies dont be discouraged.

  26. e panu kung..ung guy…mapagka-protektor at predator..
    nirerespeto ka pero..nagkiss kayu ng matgal.parang gusto ka naman nyang i-ano..???

  27. Anonymous,
    What is your question?

  28. whooh…looks doesnt really matter..its the heart that really matters..

    So sad,i think protectors are vanishing nowadays.. 🙁

  29. Anonymous said…
    “e panu kung..ung guy…mapagka-protektor at predator..nirerespeto ka pero..nagkiss kayu ng matgal.parang gusto ka naman nyang i-ano..???”

    Hahaha!..what’s wrong kung i’kiss ka niya ng matagal?..bawal naba mag’kiss ng matagal ang mag bf/gf?..in my opinion,temptation is everywhere kasi eh..lalo na when u really love a person,lahat ibibigay mo sa kanya..pero i think,protector ones will say “no” eventhough he really wants to make love to you..and the predator ones,kahit ayaw mu,pipilitin ka..ryt???

  30. Yes ang temptation is everywhere tlaga! If you love the person tlaga, you will respect her/him kahit gusto nya gawin yun, you will say “no” but yung isa kahit ayaw mo pipilitin ka tlaga.

  31. i do really like your posts…

    i think almost will choose protector…
    and i am one of those…[^^,]

    this type of men live to be pure and wise…
    even if, other people will say that
    “maybe he is gay” (because of not doing any sexual activities even there is a chance of course with opposite sex…)

    This kind of act is not so wise. so immature. (i am referring to those who commented that “maybe he is gay”)

  32. i’m glad i’m with a protector. 🙂

  33. before getting into the relationship, i told my now-boyfriend about my promise to save my next kiss for the altar…(because i’ve made a lot of mistakes before with predators… and they were my fault too.) we’ve been together nearly everyday for the past ten months and we haven’t broken the promise. it’s not that easy, but it wasn’t hard too because he doesn’t even show that he’s having a hard time controlling himself. and he never makes a joke making me feel bad that i don’t kiss him.

    the best part about saving even the kiss until the wedding is our consciences are clear before God and our parents. so we show our affection to each other in front of my friends, family without any shame because we honor each other even when nobody is looking.

    honoring God first in our relationship is the best decision that we made. we have a lot of fun getting to know each other more because we’re not preoccupied in finding a private spot to fool around. we don’t alienate our friends. and since we have to do something all the time, we get to do a lot of exploring around the city. it’s been really fun. 🙂

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  35. Thanks for stopping by and commenting, Stef.

    I’m personally not so strict in my convictions about kissing, but I understand why some feel it’s necessary to postpone it until marriage.

  36. I read your book Basta Love Life and I’ve learned many things in making wise decisions in entering into a relationship.. Keep up the good work bro, God bless and more power to you. And also before i forgot, I chose to be a protective =]

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