Pastor Kevin Sanders

"He must increase, but I must decrease." -John 3:30

Learning the Hard Way: Doomed Office Romance

This is the story of a young woman whose office romance ended in heartbreak. She emailed it a while back and later gave me permission to post it online.

I had an office romance that lasted for about four months. This may not seem like a long time, but we had been friends for almost two years. We’ve been officemates for even longer (three years).

When we were friends, he was open with me, telling me everything about his past relationships–the way he played and fooled women when he was young. And he said he has changed over the years and learned his lessons already (he is almost 50—18 years older than I).

He claimed to single but he had a girlfriend for two years. His explanation was this: they weren’t in love, but just stayed together for companionship since they were both getting older.

Our friendship progressed until he started showing romantic interest. He claimed that he broke up with the before-mentioned girlfriend. I eventually fell for him, though there was really no commitment. We dated, we kissed, and I even slept beside him (but never had sex). He knew that I was preserving myself for the man that I’ll get married with.

He also knew about my painful past. I had a very serious boyfriend before. We were together six years and planned to marry. Sadly, he passed away unexpectedly. This was devastating, and I did not open myself to another relationship for six years.

But as the office romance continued, I discovered numerous lies. He had not broken up with the before-mentioned girlfriend, and I discovered he was still married to a woman in the States.

I broke up with him after learning about all of these lies. His girlfriend even sent me a text message, telling me not to bother them anymore. He put the picture of his girlfriend back on his desk. I still have to see him every day, and I see his girlfriend picking him up at the office.

I’m really hurt by all of this. It is hard for me not to hate him, and he’s never even asked for forgiveness.

I am just so blessed that I never let go with my faith. That has kept me holding on. My prayers never let me down and I see the hand of God moving in my life. I pray that one day he will realize his mistakes and ask for sincere forgiveness, but as of know, I don’t think he will do that. I am glad that I have a wonderful family and friends who support me. I hope I can overcome this soon.

Thank you for taking time reading this. Hoping for your reply. By the way I forgot to mention, he is an American and I am a Filipina—I don’t know if it has anything to do with cultural differences. Thanks again Kuya Kevin.

Kuya Kevin’s Response:

First and foremost, I want you to know I’m deeply sorry for the loss of your fiancé. I’ve read your emails about him, and it seems he was a nice guy that genuinely loved you.

As you’ve probably figured out, this office romance was doomed from the start. This has nothing to do with cultural differences—liars and jerks come from every culture.

Let’s consider a few of the warning signs. He admittedly had a history of disrespectful treatment of women. There was really no reason to believe he had changed—he was in a relationship with a woman he had no intention of marrying.

You seem to be an intelligent, hard-working, caring woman—this guy certainly did not deserve your attention.

I’d also like to address the issue of sleeping together (even without sex). I don’t believe this is a wise thing to do. It puts you in a very tempting situation, and forms some emotional bonds that can be hard to break.

I’m glad you have chosen to save your virginity for your husband. As I always say, the right man will appreciate it.

God’s word tells us to guard our hearts (Proverbs 4:23). This doesn’t mean we shut everyone out. Instead, we cautiously let people in who prove themselves to be trustworthy.

Learn to forgive him and move on. Don’t wait for an apology that will likely never
come (seems he’s a bit too self-absorbed for that).

You’ve been through some hurtful experiences. Keep your faith in God and don’t give up on love.

Note: This is one of the stories you can find in Learning the Hard Way: True Stories of Heartbreak, Healing, and Hope.

2 Comments

  1. Kuya Kevin, You gave her a very good advice. You hit the nail right on the head.

  2. I just saw your comment on my page.

    LOL in the philippines “pimples = love”. that’s funny. my mom says that all the time. “”ooh are you in love…coz you have a big zit on your head!”

    here in America, pimples = stress!

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