Pastor Kevin Sanders

"He must increase, but I must decrease." -John 3:30

MU (Mutual Understanding) and Ambiguous Relationships

Here’s the definition(s) of ambiguous (from dictionary.com)
Ambiguous:
*open to or having several possible meanings or interpretations; equivocal: an ambiguous answer.
*of doubtful or uncertain nature; difficult to comprehend, distinguish, or classify: a rock of ambiguous character.
*lacking clearness or definiteness; obscure; indistinct: an ambiguous shape; an ambiguous future.

Students often use the phrase “MU,” meaning “mutual understanding.” This represents something in between friendship and courtship. The exact nature of a mutual understanding usually isn’t very clear to me. Ironically, it usually isn’t clear to those in the MU, either.

I’m not a big fan of MU’s or any type of ambiguous relationship. Since there is no real commitment, these arrangements seem to cause confusion and pain.

I really believe that dating/courtship should be focused, with marriage as the end goal. Otherwise, it is simply a waste of time and emotion. Here are a few suggestions:

Intention

Intentions should be clear very early in the relationship. What should your intention be? To get to know this person and prayerfully decide if the two of you are compatible for marriage.

Time Limits

Some reasonable timetable should be set. I hear different opinions on the appropriate length of courtship/engagement. I personally believe that six months to a year is plenty of time to know if you’ve found a good match. I’m not saying you should be ready to propose after two dates. I’m not even saying that you should marry within a year. But within a year there should be a clear understanding of whether or not you plan to marry. If you decide to break up, at least you’ve limited the time that you invested in this relationship.

I’ve seen couples who stay boyfriend/girlfriend for years, only to break up. They both experience a “mini divorce” and have little to show for their wasted time/emotion. This is especially harmful for women, who have a biological clock to consider.

Final Thoughts

I don’t want this to sound like dating/courtship should be some kind of business contract. My point is this: as single Christians, we should be intentional when it comes to the opposite sex. If you only want to be friends, then stay friends. If there is a mutual attraction and interest, then explore the possibility of a Christ-centered marriage. I see no middle ground.


Just say a simple, ‘Yes, I will,’ or ‘No, I won’t.’ Anything beyond this is from the evil one.

–Matthew 5:37

Note: I’d recommend my book Basta LoveLife: Making Wise Relationship Decisions if you’d like to read more helpful relationship advice.

83 Comments

  1. I don’t agree with MU relationships, I see it as sort of a game. I’ve had young friends (this seems to be the trend now) who were into this kind of relationship and got hurt really bad.

    MU is an assumption that you have something together but this ‘something’ is not defined so a relationship like this has no security, it could end or break anytime and abruptly because there’s no real commitment, verbal or real agreement on this ‘something’ that both of you is supposed to have.
    I say make it official, if you can’t then do away with it.

    I dissagree though on putting time limits on a relationship. I’m not sure if six months to a year even is really enough to get to know someone that well. I think one should marry when one is ready, physically, emotionally and spiritually.

  2. There are differences of opinion regarding the length of courtship.

    I still stand by my statement some decision should be made after a year.

    From a guy’s perspective, let me tell you that it is a bad sign if a guy has dated a girl for a year and still isn’t sure if he wants to marry her.

  3. hmmm…ok..well, I was with someone who talked of marriage only three weeks after he became my boyfriend but the relationship didn’t work, obviously but we did plan and even talked of a future name for our children….

    still no guarantee but ok…i like the idea.

  4. hi kuya! just a question..
    for example, a guy seems interested to a girl (both christians, how should the guy approach the girl supposed they knew each other casually and are not that close to each other. would he be giving some clues that he is interested in her or work on becoming a “friend” to her first and not anything more than that?

  5. I’m really not sure what to tell you here. All I can say is he would have to show clear interest at some point.

  6. hi there..
    im a single mom..
    my bf left me because we are still too young to become parents..in just 15 when i become pregnant..he went to states to study..
    fortunately, there is a guy here who is now my present bf.. he accepted my baby.. we registered the baby in his surname.. my baby used my bf’s family name.. do u think our elationship is that strong? come to think of it.. what can you tell about our relationship? we have a ten year age gap..

  7. I don’t know you or him so I can’t answer that. It seems unwise to register the baby with his name if you are not yet married.

  8. MU for me stands for “magulong usapan”. Intentions should be defined right from the start. We are not for “test drive” after all.

    Very good insight, kuya kevs.

  9. hi kuya kevin. i agree that there is no such thing as MU. it’s either a YES or a NO. those who are in the MU thing are scared of commitments and probably not serious of the relationship at all. Seeking God’s will is what is most important and praying for God’s best as well.

  10. been there, done that. and it did hurt badly. it took me years to get over it…so imagine how bad that was. after that, I decided to ask God for guidance always when it comes to these concerns. 🙂

  11. to single mom,
    legally,you will have a problem when your child enters school. because you use the fathers surname without marrying him.You dont have a marriage contrct as an evidence.

  12. this saddens me. I met a young christian lady who has entertained a lot of suitors and communicated with them through text messages and internet (nang sabay-sabay or sunud-sunod). She would say in her blogs, “will he save the last dance for me?” like she was some prize to be claimed by the most “deserving” suitor. For years, pinaasa lang nya yung ibang mga suitors nya, kunwari MU sila. A lot backed out. She finally settled down with someone because she couldn’t get the one she wanted (eventually the man she liked turned to be a playboy too).

    It’s sad to see some young people fooling around like love was some kind of experiment and people’s hearts were simply toys they could play with. Respect people and don’t leave them hanging. They’d only hurt themselves and others in the process. It’s either Yes or No. Besides there’s no need to rush into relationships. They are young! They should be guarding their hearts. God has a time for everything.

  13. I don’t believe in MU either. At the moment, two of the closest people in my life are in that situation. They both told me their sides of the “relationship” and it’s already hurting me to see them act so sweet with each other when I know their opinions about each other and the outlook they have.

    I am just too scared to tell them as I wouldn’t want to hurt their feelings. At the moment, my friendship with my bestfriend and cousin are at stake because of the whole MU issue.

    For anyone who wants to be in that situation. Please just decide if you DO want to be in a relationship or NOT. Thanks for the time!

  14. i know what layla means, it really hurts. Your relationship is in limbo and either or the both of you are wondering where the relationship would eventually go. and since the so-called “relationship” has several loose ends, possible things could happen along the way; one of them, getting yourself face-to-face with your ‘boyfriend’s’ new girl!!!

  15. I also had MU relationship with a guy who is supposed to be my first boyfriend before. It did hurt me badly to the point that I didnt want to go to school anymore just because i didnt want to see him.but that was five years ago! sure,the pain is stii here but when he apologized last year,we became bestfriends.
    right now,my other bestfriend is in an MU relationship with a guy is supposed to be her first boy friend too. they plan to be in a relationship after graduating in college(5 years from now),they plan to take a knot too.they already agreed on how many children to have and what names to give. I want to tell them to get into a relationship right now but that would make me appear as a bad influence.her parent might even tell her to avoid me.
    what shoul i do? and what should they do? i dont want her to get hurt and her parents want to give her a wonderful future so they are not allowing her to get into a relationship.

  16. It is their decision–there isn’t much you can do here.

  17. yes kuya kiven(MU) me too i agree w/ that
    just say yes or no so that We less avoid hurting people…
    In this modernized world ,
    ,im 17 right now and when im in 3rd yr,highscul i had my bf at the first time.at dahil wala pa kung alm regarding that relationship di po kami nagtagal its my fault too coz di ko xa pa ganu kakilala and naniwala pa ko sa sabisabi ng iba..so im hurt w/ that
    But now im in college why i cannt find another
    i have my suitors naman but i dont like them coz theres no feeling…di ko na sila pinapaasa pa…here is my Question kuya
    hinihintay po ba ang pag ibig o hinahanap??kusa bang darating sau?

    for now i cannt still forget him acctually napapanaginipan ko pa xa …even though he was happy at her gf for now and they were almost a year

  18. I’d say be patient and don’t get too concerned. You are only 17–you have plenty of time to find a good guy.

  19. Kuya kevs, i also had experienced ambiguous relatioship before.

    It’s been a year since i cut the relatioship because i know that God is speaking to me. Ngayon my problema ako, parehas naman kaming Christian nung guy, but not in the same church, he’s my schoolmate dati pero ngayon college na kami.
    Ang purpose ko dati why i cut the relationshp kasi alm ko na parang malabo na. We made promises that after we graduated we’ll be waiting for each other whn the right time comes but as i can see now parang i want to break that promise, i don’t want him anymore, maybe dahil nagiiba na ang pananaw ko sa buhay at nagiging more mature na ko spiritually.

    Nag-agree naman siya dati pero ngayon naiinis ako sa kanya kasi umaasa pa rin siya na matutupad yung promise nmin dati for each other. He still doesnt sense that i’m so much regreting all the things happen about the past. I’m really ashmed of my self sobrang pinagsisisihan ko tlga to. My question is paano ko sasabihin sa kanya yung mga bagay na to? na naiinis ako at nagsisisi na ako sa lahat,pakiramdam ko ksi kahit ambiguous relationshp yung nangyari samin parang naging kami na rin.

    thanks kuya.

  20. Kuya kevs, I’m really surprised ikaw pala yung nakikita ko sa FEU, I always see on freedom park, you’re always talking to some students there, I want to meet you there!!!

  21. Yes, Ram–that’s me. Hope to see you next semester on campus. Just email me and we’ll swap cell numbers.

  22. hmm.. that kind of relationship is so tiring. You don’t know what you should expect or how you would act because after all, you’re not committed.. I’ve already experienced it.. And it took me two years to get over him.. And because of it, parang inisip ko na dapat hanggang friends na lang dapat talaga sa guys.. They, definitely, are good FRIENDS.. and there would be nothing more than that..

    Matagal na ganun inisip ko, parang pag may suitors, friends lang dapat tayo..

    Pero recently, there’s this guy na parang MU ata kami? I dunno.. Malabo talaga. And I dont want to continue this kind of relationship. Mahirap. I asked God for help.. Para maintindihan ko, or to make things clear..

    Kuya kevin.. Any advice kung pano ko po malilinaw to?!

    Thanks and God speed!

    -me.

  23. It is kind of hard to give you advice without a little more information. All I can say is don’t get your hopes up if he has not made a definite move.

  24. Dear Kevin,

    I am not a blogger actually and have never tried to even post a comment on any blog which my friends send me. But I happen to be so confused in my thoughts right now that I went an extra mile to scour through the web for some answers and when I saw your comments about this MU relationship thing, I figured out that this maybe worth a try.

    I’ve had relationships in the past. My orientation on relationships is that both parties have clear intentions on where they intend to go. Both may start in a “just friends” set up first however there’ll be no denying when the mutual romantic attraction sets in and after a while both will just have to go to the next level.

    I’ve been going out with this guy for 1 year now. We work in the same office, both are professionals and very much single, and interestingly I must say, we are already in our late twenties. This is actually embarrassing as I am supposed to know how to handle such situations, however, I have never been into an MU setting before. And I feel, that even in this MU set-up, I have fallen already.

    Our “dates” started as simple coffee chats with friends until we finally learned to go out on our own. We usually meet up after office hours either for dinner or coffee or just a sweet walk in a mall or park. The occasional meet-ups soon became almost a daily thing for us, (most of it he initiated) and we each had introduced to each other our circle of friends. We have had several fun-time occasions with our respective friends and everyone is just so waiting for us to announce if we are really a couple. There’s no denying that there is connection between us. We are both aware that we are happy when we are together. However, I am becoming anxious already on where this will really go. Unfortunately, I am still grounded by the conventional norms of the society. I cannot ask him first to make this official. I believe that a man has his role to take. I know that he knows that I like him. Even the dumbest guy would know actually. But I am getting tired of the wait.. It’s been a year, we are still going out….still nothing…

    I am thinking of letting this go. Let this die down and I’ll open myself to others again…but there’s this huge restraint that tells me not to do so…whenever he calls, I forget all of these thoughts. I may have fallen though I think not deep enough to ask him myself if he loves me or not. I really would like to get a third party’s point of view for now on what’s really with this type of guy? Is it worth another wait? Shall I try to let go?

    Help me please.

    Anna

  25. Anna,
    In theory, he is responsible for making things “official.” But he hasn’t, which is very cowardly of him.

    I would recommend you just ask him point blank: “where is this going.”

    If he does not give a clear answer, it is time to move on. Stop wasting time and emotion if he’s not serious.

  26. Well, just a thought… In another context, MU’s are good. Lots of reasons actually, and I think its healthy. why? coz it brings life to you. C’mon we need to spice things up! When was the last time you felt high due to an MU with someone? You know how good it feels inside. You’ll just have to know the limits… And it sometimes get things going, like a great foundation for a wonderful future long term relationship. It can also be a test if you 2 are compatible that much, as like a dip to check the warmth of water will suit you. If it does not work out, then its not much ground to make up for. You’re not that deeply buried yet. Get waht I mean?. C’mon, u guys are too serious, you just have to use the positive side of MU’s. C’mon ther where;s the fun! lifes absurd if its not for fun! hahhhahahaha

    And from what I have observed, most of the posts here are darn too negative. I jump from post to posts and all I read is don’t do this don’t do that. Its more fun and healthy the postive way. Guess just limit the negatives. Just a suggestion though! hahaha 🙂

  27. Ckee,

    I’ve never seen these wonderful results you talk about coming out of MU’s. I see only confusion and hurt.

    Remember that part of maturity is thinking beyond what may make you temporarily happy or excited. Using crystal meth (shabu) would probably make me really happy and excited, but I have to think about the long-term consequences of doing that.

    I don’t apologize for telling people to avoid certain things. If I tell you, “don’t hit yourself in the head with a hammer,” is that negative?

    Thanks for visiting, and I hope you’ll keep an open mind to my advice.

  28. Take for example the courtship of the Late President Ferdinand Marcos and Ex-First Lady Imelda Marcos. Right after jail, Ferdi encountered Imelda in the office of a congressman. Right then He courted Imelda and 11 days later Ferdi proposed for a marriage.
    God blessed them with 3 kids and their marriage last until the last breath of Ferdinand. I’m not into politics here, I’m just citing an example of long lasting marriage started on 11 days of courtships.

  29. Relationships are like melons. In the supermarket, you’ll some nice melons, some not as so. But you’ll never know the quality unless you’ve actually opened and tasted it. There are nice melons, and it doesn’t taste good. Some not very nice, and it tastes terrific.

    Sure I kept every advice. Especially that one, living by the wisdom. Really helped 🙂 I recommended it to everyone haha

  30. alessa_sinclair

    12/20/2008 at 12:28 am

    Posible bang both of you won’t admit or commit ‘coz you’re trying to protect yourself from serious damages in the future? I mean, I have a friend and they’re in different religions. And his religion won’t permit commitment to women outside his beliefs. Isa pang tanong: How do you tell him you “broke up” with him kung ndi naman naging kayo? And, sa tingin nyo ba, may karapatan kang magselos pero ndi magalit? So confusing, this concept.

  31. Kuya kevin..
    I’ve actually asked for your advice before.. About this “MU thing” .. And your responses really helped ..

    Now this guy who does not seem to make a definite move before finally asked me if I want to be his girl .. But the prob is, he is already courting somebody else ..
    He told me that he did not expect to fall for me, and if I just allow him to prove that to me, he will stop courting that girl ..

    I don’t know what to do .. What if he meets another girl and fall for her too? Will he leave me hangin’? If he can do that to others, he can also do it to me ..

    I want to give him a chance to prove himself ..

    But I really don’t know ..

    Can you please help me?

    I’m happy with what’s happening between us RIGHT NOW.. But I am also thinking for the future .. This thing is not a game .. It should be properly decided ..

    -me =)

  32. If he has stopped courting the other girl then maybe you could give him a chance. Just take things slowly and guard your heart.

    But if he’s still courting the other girl, no way.

  33. foolishlover

    01/26/2009 at 8:52 am

    actually,this is my first time here.But honestly,I like your opinions.So kuya,I just wanna ask…coz i have this kind of feeling right now….you know…this sort of MU…..but as of now,the guy is cool na…i don’t know why but i think nwala n ung spell of infatuation sa aming dalawa,so we barely talk each other.also some other people are just keepin us apart.SO we can’t talk about our status….kung mgiging kami p b or what….what should i do?????

    should I let him go?

  34. If he’s not making any real effort to pursue you, let him go. Why have false hope over someone you barely talk to?

  35. grabe, ang tindi talaga ng bulabog na ginagawa ng MU sa buhay! only one thing kept cropping up among the many comments – Malabong Usapan. if you dig ambiguity (labo-labo for short), then MU is for you. but if you want to simplify your life, stick to the Yes or No guideline. kahit sa laro, ginagawa yun para maayos. ano pa kaya sa relasyon? (sensya na, i express myself better in tagalog)

  36. me and my boyfriend also a product of this so called “MU” for a year. yes, we’ve spend a lot of our time and emotions. but the good thing is that we treated each other like we are “barkada”, “kaibigan”. we’ve shared a lot of things, stories, and hang-out with friends. from these we knew each other and we value each other. until we knew and until there’s a voice that tells us that we better make it real and a little bit more serious. now we are partners in everything. setting up our plans for the future. making it right and timely. although our time table is not like the way that kuya Kevin suggested in his time limits, I would say that we still heading in our right track in the right time. since we still have plans for our parents, while fulfilling it we are just enjoying each other’s company and trying to help one another in reaching our goal. for me it’s good enough. And it’s just our God who can tell what will happen next. So, we’re just enjoying the time that God gave us to spend for our relationship, to spend it wisely, to spend it by loving each other, to spend it by helpig each other, and to spend it with God.

  37. biggest fraud and “farce” in sorts.. as i term that “MU” thing..

  38. i’ve been through so many of this.
    and really. it’s a non sense and waste of time when you’re about seriousness in life

  39. hi kuya kevin.. i have a question.

    I am now in this kind of situation.. i like him and he also like me. but my parents as of now don’t want me to have a boyfriend. the guy said he can wait.

    what kind of relationship we have?

  40. Kind of sounds like an MU. How old are you and he?

  41. we are only 17 years of age.

  42. Maybe you can just keep things friendly for another year or two. I just don’t like MU’s.

  43. im into this kind of relationship. as of now, i don’t know what’s happening in our what so called relationship. i still love him so much, yeah. but sometimes, im also into art of letting go because of some things. before, we used to chat and text eaxh other a lot. we’re classmates. sadly, next year will be tough because we’re seperated by section and goodness gracious, we don’t have internet anymore. last last time before this vacation, he always texting me that he love me, that the summer cannot change that affection and stuff. btw, this guy broke up her gf when he was into me at that time and it’s been around 5-7? months.

    what do you think should i do?
    THIS WOULD SURELY HELP. tnxx. :]

  44. Sounds like you need to talk with him and ask him what’s going on.

  45. what about an MU with someone who already has a girlfriend ? yet still tries to manage things with you and you being into this guy, allows it.

  46. Sounds like you need to talk with him and ask him what’s going on.

    -he’s not just so like that. his pride strikes always. help! 😀

  47. How can I help you if you two can’t even talk?

  48. uhh. we used to chat in ym before. 🙁

  49. Very good entry!

    Personally, I am a firm believer that being in an MU status is unfair for both parties because it seems like you two are walking in an unknown path without any clear goals – and most of the time, it seems to not matter as long as the two of you are enjoying the moments you share and each other’s company and the idea of being together with no strings attached.

    I’ve seen people who have been hurt with this kind of setup and I hope it won’t be a rampant occurrence.

  50. question… if a guy is already engaged, is he still allowed to have MU? If the “engaged” guy had an MU, is it considered cheating? Though, according to the guy, they just have casual talk and no physical contact has happened between the two of them (no holding hands, kiss, nor sex; but they did hug once and they went out on lunch only the two of them)… casual talk like telling each other’s love problems or work problems… calling each other just to say hi and talking about random stuffs…

    Also, the guy didn’t tell his gf (fiance-to-be) about this; instead the gf discovered this by accident… the girl (not the guy’s gf) still continue to call the guy and guy still answers the call…

  51. That’s cheating. I would tell the girl to think twice about marrying him.

  52. what if the girl still decides to continue with the marriage even if she’s still hurt/in pain because of the “cheating” incident. what advice can u give the girl?

  53. I answered this on a podcast episode a couple of weeks ago. The only advice I could give her is to prepare for more pain.

  54. actually Kuya Kevin…it seems to me that i prefer MU than serious relationship that will end up in marriage….well for me i am not yet ready for that marriage thing but i want someone to inspire me, someone that will give me importance,treat me as his princess and you know someone i could cuddle when i feel like i want to show love….

    i dont know Kuya Kevin, is there something wrong with me?..i really dont like commitments at all….

  55. Rachel,

    I just don’t think it is healthy–investing yourself in dead-end relationships.

  56. I have been an MU for only 4 weeks and the girl says “sabi nang kaibigan ko na sagutin na kita pero MU na lang muna” I said ok but I realy want to be her bf. realy like this girl but I dint know if she truly like me?then I kiss her on the cheek and she also kiss me in my cheeks.
    What kind of relationship do we have???

  57. John,

    I think you have a confused relationship. Settling for an “MU” is a mistake.

  58. I’ve been there in MU thing for the past three years.
    we treat each other in a special way.
    often times my friends are asking me if he is my ‘boyfriend’ and i can’t answer ‘YES’ because definitely he’s not.

    In my MU set up, no one admits if we love each other both us just know we’re special. And yes it’s confusing.

    last week, a news came to me that my MU partner have a girlfriend within our campus. my friends keep him seeing with that girl, but i don’t see it with my own eyes. Days have passed and i want to know if it’s true or not.

    last night i texted him, and i got the answer, he said “mahal ko ang girlfriend ko…”

    i can’t do anything because in the first place we’re not committed.
    so now i am in the process of letting him go.

    if some of you took it year/s to get over? how much more i? we’re all at the same campus? anytime i can see them happy together? but i know that i should let him go.

    on the other hand, someone is courting me and he receives all the bitterness i have. i know it’s wrong because he did not do anything bad to me. but i can’t help it. he knew my story, and gladly he said to me ” i am not expecting you to love right now, i just want to say and that I LOVE you.”

    just want to share my story.

  59. what about having MU yet the guy you loved and loves you got an ex girlfriend who is pregnant right now? what should i do?

  60. Well, MU’s are not worthwhile in the first place. And I don’t think it is very wise to get involved with some guy who just got finished knocking up his girlfriend. I bet he told her he loved her, too.

  61. Very well written! Now following you. 🙂

  62. ako rin nagkaroon ako ng ka-mu. actually, nakawrite na ko ng over 90 poems for him.. ung mga nagagawa ko binibigay ko sa knya. umaasa kasi ako na sa mga poems na un ay makikita nya kung gano ko siya ka mahal. nangyari un bago ako grumaduate sa high school. 3rd year sya nun. ewan ko kung pano nanyri eh. basta nagkachat kmi 1 beses tpos tuloy tuloy na. halos gabi-gabi khit marami akong gagawin nagkakachat kmi lgi. eh magkaklase kmi sa journalism, tpos kmi ung gagawa ng yearnook, kaya nagkaroon ako ng chance na makasama sya. high na high ako nun. grbe. ang saya ko nun. pero sa itsura ko ngaun, na magkahiwalay kmi, at alam ko na na ate lng tlga ung turing nya skn, ewan ko.. ang sakit, sobra… wag kaung papasok sa ganong relasyon.

  63. For me, M.U. is not a permanent relationship but it’s up for you to handle it. don’t just jump into conclusion that M.U. give us intense pain. it is really on between you on how you handle it. as what i am experiencing now, i am enjoying my love life having M.U. partner and it doesn’t giving me any pain. It’s just that we enjoy having each other in our lives 🙂

  64. Regina, I’m basing my thoughts on (among other things) many years of experience in working with young people. You get what you settle for.

  65. hello,

    Can you help me to get clear with this. I have a familiar face person and so I add him to my facebook account. Not knowing that it is his private account so he declined my request. Ten after I was shocked that he add me to his another account. I messaged him and so he got replied with it and so and so but just a friendly topic though it has a sort of clue that I like him. Honestly, I had a crush on him. We’ve seen each other at school. So, is he interested with me?

  66. I would not assume anything just based on a message in Facebook. When a guy really likes a girl he’ll court her. Unless you see him make an intentional move you should not assume anything.

  67. hello,

    Well, I am in an M.U situation right now and I need some advice. I and my “M.U.” met during our first day of school since we are classmates and we became “barkadas” right away. We became really good friends, best friends even, then after one month I’ve just developed feelings for him. Well, it is fine with me being friends and all since he is a “harmless” kind of guy…I mean it’s fine if we hold hands or embrace each other. Then, after some time he told me he loves me. So that is how it started….

    He is courting me right now and I want to answer him a “YES” since my parents know him and both our families permitted us to be in a relationship. But, there is something that is holding me back and made me choose the M.U. relationship. We’re still young (16) and we’ll be college students of different campuses next school year. Yet, we are determined to hold on.

    So, do you think it will be better if we’ll be in a relationship.??? I mean…I want us to only be M.U.’s since I thought that he may meet some new girl in college whom he will love…and since we’re not committed to each other then it is easier to let go….

  68. hello po kuya kevin,
    ako rin po nakaranas na ng M.U, 15 years old lng po ako pero parang LOVE yung nafi feel namin sa isat isa. pero hndi po ng work yung relationship, he was courting me for six months. gusto ko na po sana syang sagutin kaso sapalagay ko po hndi pa siya deserving , kaya po sbi nung mga friends ko bigyan ko daw ng time . 6 months po , diba po time na yun? napaka torpe po kasi nya, kahit sa text ang torpe , classmates na nga po kami di pa mag first move. kaya po yun hindi nagtagal nawala po yung pag ka M.U namin . ang sakit po , kahit ako yung unang bumitaw , hanggang ngayong andito parin yng pain . lalo na ngayon na classmates parin kami.seatmate pa. ang hirap po . siya po moved on na , ako inlove parin sa kanya.

  69. hello po,

    kuya kevin what should i do? sa last guy ko po na ka M.U inlove parin ako, pero siya moved on na.six months po kasi kaming M.U. pero dun sa six months wala pong nangyari.torpe po kasi siya kaya sbi po ng mga firends ko give time daw po , kasi po ako po yung first girlfriend to be nya sana . hndi pa po ba time yung 6 months? yung hnahanap ko po sa kanya nakita ko po sa ibang guy na hndi ko naman po totally gusto . siya lang naman po talaga ang gusto ko. classmate pa rin po kami hanggang ngayon , sitmate pa. may pag-asa pa po ba magka m.u ulit kami?

  70. Kate,

    I think at your age you are really too young to be in a relationship. I just don’t see the point of having a boyfriend at age 15–there are too many risks and ZERO benefits.

    Blessings!

  71. helo po,

    thanks po kuya kevin, 🙂 i don’t know what to say but thankyou so much po 🙂 pinagaan nyu po yung loob ko. pero kahit ganun po pwede parin po ba ako mag kagusto sa kanya? pwede ko po ba xang mahalin ng patago? kahit nasasaktan na po ako ?

  72. I think it would be much better if you just focus on your relationship with God and your studies for now. It is very normal to have these feelings, but you are still very young and you’ll meet other guys even before you are finished with school.

  73. good day po. tnong ko lng po kung panong ggwin q sa relationship nmin. MU po kmi ng 3 months and gus2 ko po sna n mging GF q n sya pra po official n at dba wla daw pong commitment kpag MU lng? but we made commitments n po sa isa’t-isa. should i ask n kung kmi na o manligaw muna aq?

  74. and umm.. hnd p po alam ng mga parents nya n MU kmi. well nsbi ko nman n po sa parents and friends q and they agreed with me ang kaso ung part nya po. hnd pa po nya nssbi sa part(family, friends) nya ung tungkol sa amin.. unlike MIRANDA po, we just met at the last week of highschool and nging close lng kmi through text after graduation. and we didn’t even go out yet together.. please kuya help! nu po b ggwin q?

  75. You need to either become bf/gf or just be friends. But MU’s are not good.

    But I think you should first think about whether or not you are really ready for a relationship. You are still very young.

    Please don’t use text slang when you have a whole keyboard there.

  76. I am with a girl for past 1 yr, we spend quality time with each other.
    2 months back we both mutually told each other that we like each other.
    We don’t have physical relations.
    She asks me To ask her Dad for Our marriage but says she cant date me as it hurts.
    I am earning but not yet established, I guess two more years I Will need. Kindly advice. Should we continue like this.
    need

  77. I don’t understand why she wants you to talk to her dad about marriage but she doesn’t want to date you.

  78. Hi po. I just wanted to ask for adviceon how to deal with my situation. I’m new to this.

    So feeling ko po na MU kami ng guy friend ko kasi sinabi na niya sa akin nung December na may gusto siya sa akin and nararamdaman naman po niya na may gusto ako sa kanya. Kaso po, di ko parin po sure kung seryoso siya sa akin kasi po kakabreak lang nila ng ex niya nung december din (before siya umamin sa akin). Kasi nung sila pa raw, eh may gusto na siya sa akin at kontento na raw siya nun na friends kami. Natatakot po kasi ako ng baka rebound lang ako. Kaya kahit po m.u. kami ngayon, parag gusto ko po bumalik sa pagiging friends namin tulad ng dati. Sinabi niya na rin po yung rason kung bakit nakaget over po siya agad. Nalilito parin po kasi ako kahit na nagkakaintindihan na po kami.

  79. It is a little bit hard to answer without knowing him. If he has a different girlfriend every month you need to stay away from him. But if he is stable, mature, and serious then there’s nothing really wrong with him pursuing you (as long as he is no longer involved with the ex).

    If you are going to allow him to court you then just take your time to make sure he’s serious.

  80. Pero sa tingin niyo po ba, okay lang po na sabihin ko na bumalik nalang po kami sa dati? Btw, sila po ng ex niya ay for 1 yr 8 mo– another thing that’s bothering me. And wala na pong spark tulad ng dati kapag nagtetext or nagchachat or simpeng magkasama kami. He’s a really good guy po.

  81. If you aren’t really interested in him it’s OK just to tell him. You may want to send me a message through email instead of here. What you are sharing is kind of personal and it’s on public display here.

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