Pastor Kevin Sanders

"He must increase, but I must decrease." -John 3:30

Singleness and the Sovereignty of God

“God will give you a husband/wife in His time—you don’t have to do anything. If you are single, it is because it is God’s will.”

Ever heard something like this?  Maybe it’s time to re-think it!

I’m afraid that some Christian authors/speakers are responsible for propagating this unbiblical message. It’s about time for me to officially challenge this over-spiritualized nonsense!

There was a pretty intense discussion on my multiply account after I posted an article on This is part of what I said:

“. . . What I’m saying is that I believe singles are being taught to be too passive, assuming God will answer our prayers without us doing anything. Many authors are arguing that if we are single, it is by God’s divine will and He will hook us up in His time. This is easy to say if you got married in your early to mid-20’s, but what about the rest of us?

I encounter many in their late 20’s and 30’s (here and in the States) who want to be married but are still single. Statistically speaking, singleness has risen dramatically over the past couple of decades in the States. I suspect it is also happening here in the professional classes of Manila. Either God isn’t doing His job as divine matchmaker, or we have misinterpreted our roles in finding a suitable spouse.”

By the way, did you know that Calvin himself took some practical steps to find a wife? It’s a humorous story that you can read about here. Yes, “Mr. Predestination” himself utilized the help of a committee to find a wife. I guess he didn’t trust God’s provision and timing.

See also: Is it OK to Search for Love?

Note to Readers: This discussion/article is for those who are old enough to consider marriage. Please read What is the Right Age for a Relationship if you want to read my views on teenage romance.


  1. In the Filipino culture, during the ‘maria clara’ days, if I remember right, |Filipinas were never to make the first move…the men had to make the first move and then the women responds.
    It was considered improper and cheap if a girl EVER shows int’rest first and women who wait for the guy to make the first move were considered virtuous.
    That change overtime of course but I’m not sure if the change worked to our advantage.

  2. I understand your point, but I think women can put some effort into meeting new people without actually “courting” men.

  3. well, meeting new people for friendship is good i think but ‘meeting’ with that purpose in mind ‘to look and to hook’ don’t know about that…

  4. This is very true, that you cannot just wait to be loved but you have to do something to be loved and loved, This article reminds me of a story of about a 30 year old single man, ” He is always praying to God that give him a girlfriend because it is almost late for him and besides all of his friends have been able to find a life lone partner” So he is continually praying and hoping that someday a girl will just abruptly stop by, and be his wife.. hehe, but one day the Lord, answer his prayer, The Lord said…”I will give you a girl friend if you started to court somebody!.. hehe.. just a simple story.. hehe

  5. I still believe that God created men as aggressive and women as passive.

    But what i can see now is women are becoming aggressive and men are becoming passive.

    It’s the responsibility of men to lead and initiate.

    The Christian single ladies are shouting for a true man. “Where are you Adam?”


  6. well, meeting new people for friendship is good i think but ‘meeting’ with that purpose in mind ‘to look and to hook’ don’t know about that…

    Amen! I agree with you on that one blue! thats why we (especially me) always have to search our motives.. outside appearances are definitely deceiving. It is God alone Who can read our hearts and minds 🙂

  7. how can you tell if a single man or woman is meant to be celibate?

    what can you say about a girl dating someone younger than her, say, by 4 years. She is 31 and he is 28. They are already working..they share the same faith.

  8. I don’t think God forces or requires anyone to live a live of celibacy (never marrying). If He does, it is very rare (Jeremiah is the only biblical example of someone God specifically told not to marry).

    I don’t see that age gap as a problem.

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