Pastor Kevin Sanders

"He must increase, but I must decrease." -John 3:30

Avoiding “Rebound” Relationships


REBOUNDING: GREAT FOR BASKETBALL; TERRIBLE FOR YOUR LOVE LIFE

As I’ve mentioned before, one of the biggest mistakes people make in relationships is to rush and move too fast. There’s another similar mistake that singles make in regards to their dating lives: getting a new girlfriend/boyfriend immediately after a breakup. This is often called a “rebound” relationship. Sometimes we are tempted to try to immediately fill an emotional void with a new boyfriend/girlfriend (one of my friends called this “panakip butas”—which roughly translates into “covering the hole”).

Generally speaking, rebound relationships do not work out so well. We usually do not make good decisions when we are still vulnerable from the pain of a breakup. Sometimes we bring the “baggage” from a past relationship into the next one. This can lead to a vicious cycle of failed relationships.

Here are a few things you should do to avoid rebound relationships:

After a breakup, take some time to evaluate the past relationship. See if you can learn some lessons from it. Were you too young to have a girlfriend/boyfriend? Were there warning signs that you ignored? Did your ex have good qualities that you hope to find again? These are questions that you cannot process if you jump into another relationship. These important questions may prevent you from repeating mistakes.

It is also important that you take some time to heal emotionally. Do not enter a new relationship if you are still hurt, angry, bitter, or upset with your ex. This simply makes you vulnerable to really bad decisions. How much time should you take? I cannot give you an easy answer for this. Generally speaking, the longer and more serious the relationship, the longer it will take to heal. There are other factors (the way in which the breakup happened, etc) which may also affect healing time.

Finally, it may be a good idea to learn to stand on your own for a while. Some young people start dating very early and never go without a girlfriend/boyfriend. I believe that this causes an overdependence on romantic relationships for fulfillment. Learn to depend on God for your sense of wholeness and security. If you can learn this important lesson, you will be prepared for a healthy relationship.

Solomon wisely stated that there is a time for everything (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8). If you have experienced a breakup, pray for wisdom before starting a new relationship. Pray that God will lead you to the right type of person at the right time.

This is one of the many articles that you’ll find in my book: Basta Lovelife: Making Wise Relationship Decisions.

15 Comments

  1. this one is nice…Ü
    i like the content 🙂

  2. Thanks for reading. Be sure to pass it along to your friends 🙂

  3. that’s very true!
    a girlfriend/boyfriend does not complete the other.a relationship should consist two whole individuals.because only Jesus can make us whole.

    God is indeed blessed through this blog kuya kevs!keep it up:-)

  4. Thanks, Kuya. I needed to read that.

  5. if only emotions could be like items in one’s computer.. you can delete them in your folders.. and just empty your recycle bin..

    but then.. they’re not.. why is it that after some time, when we already found someone new to love, we still can’t forget the one we first loved..? the care is still there..

  6. kuya! it’s wierd how your blog came in to my e-mail, but i believe there’s no accidents, everything has a purpose, hehe,

    God bless!

  7. this is a really good post. I find myself relating to this because of my ex boyfriend. In maybe less than a week after we broke up he already had a new girlfriend (he was making himself really friendly to this girl a month or so before we fought and broke up, so maybe he was really cheating on me..). Anyway, I just hope and pray he’s not doing the rebounding thing to the new girl, and I hope that the girl still knows how to think straight and try to analyze their real situation.

  8. i was really feeling down, but this article has uplifted my spirit…helped me gain self-esteem

  9. i was thinking of jumping into one, but now maybe i’ll just spend my time on healing and hopefully moving on…alone. tnx for the article…

  10. Very good article. My ex and I were together for 3 years. He moved to another state and the plan was for me to join after 6 months so he could take time to adjust to the move etc and then we would get married. He met a girl on saturday, broke up with me on monday and told me he loved her 3 weeks after the breakup!!! It’s been 3 months and they are still together although their relationship is now long distance – she moved away 2 weeks after they started dating – is this a rebound?? I guess we’ll have to wait and see.

    Thankfully, my faith and trust is God is what has been sustaining me. Even after 3 months I don’t feel ready yet to date so I can’t imagine how he could be in love after 3 weeks.

  11. i really like this kuya kevin. bless GOD!! 🙂

  12. i agree with this…
    taught me a very important thing and I was thinking of getting into a relationship so i could move on and also,
    revenge to my ex. but now,I changed my mind…

  13. what do i do? i think i was used as a rebound? what should i do?

  14. Marvin,
    I need more info in order to answer your question.
    Blessings

  15. Do you have a blog that speaks on what God says about fixing a past relationship with an Ex? For example, once you’ve broken up for good (at least 1 year) is it just best to continue to move on even though an Ex (who was the dumper) is making strong efforts to get back into your life, & willing to do any thing make things work?

    I am struggling a lot with this, so much that I will be fasting about this issue for the month of Feb. I just wanted to know your thoughts & what God says about this.
    Once a door is closed should it be closed for good?

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