Pastor Kevin Sanders

"He must increase, but I must decrease." -John 3:30

A Common Misconception about Love and Sex

I want to talk about a very common misconception about love and sex. Many people believe that it is OK to have sex as long as you are in love. This is 100% false.

This belief is false for two very important reasons. First, feeling like you are “in love” is not a guarantee that your relationship will last. Most of you probably have ex girlfriends or ex boyfriends. This means you were absolutely convinced that you were in love with this person. Where is he/she now? I cannot count the number of times I have heard someone tell me that they had sex because they thought they had found an everlasting love. Some had been in the relationship for years. Some were even engaged. These people were disappointed and heartbroken once the relationship ended. They lost both their purity and the relationship.

Secondly, being “in love” does not protect us from the consequences of premarital sex. You still suffer the consequences even if you are in love. The spiritual consequences (feeling far away from God), emotional consequences (guilt, broken heart, tendency to repeat the mistake), and physical consequences (disease, unwanted pregnancy) happen when we disobey God’s protective commandments.

I have encouraged all of you to think about your future spouse. Imagine saying the following things to someone you want to marry:

“You will not be my first on our wedding night—you will be lover number (2, 3, 6, etc). I’ve already given myself to others, but each time I was in love.”

“I have an STD, but I was in love when I contracted it.”

God wants us to experience sex within the protection of a lifetime commitment. Follow His commandments and you will have no regrets. Follow your own heart’s desires and you are headed for trouble.

The human heart is the most deceitful of all things,
and desperately wicked.
Who really knows how bad it is?

-Jeremiah 17:9

This is one of the many articles that you’ll find in my book: Basta Lovelife: Making Wise Relationship Decisions.


  1. Thanks Kuya Kevin..I do agree on all these.

  2. I guess I must confess. I broke up with my past relationship because he asked me to do it. We were on for two years and we are both Christians but it’s true that temptation roams around.

    At first I thought he was joking but the next thing I heard was that he was flirting around again with his ex-firlfriend. Finally, we’re through.

    I loved him so I refused to have sex. And because I love him I always feel responsible and accountable.

    It was tough because we are not young, and before that we were even talking about our wedding.

    But I thank God because I know He wants to give me the best, so I need to let go of the good.

    Thanks for this article, Kevs. May those who’d be touched by this blog be reminded that it is only God who can give us real pleasures. The rest are temporary and, of course, for His glory.

  3. AMEN to your blog kuya Kevin.Pre-marital sex is a NO, NO to God. Roman’s 12:1-2 is God’s word to this. Thank you for posting this kind of blog coz the youth of today MUST know this.

  4. true true.. i totally agree.. the security and confidence that come from a commitment sealed in marriage makes sex a joyful, loving, wonderful and worshipful experience. I never regretted to keep my virginity for my spouse. it was a long wait but totally rewarding.

  5. Thanks for reading guys. Blessings!

  6. that was the real thing!

  7. Thanks…this is a matter of fact everyone must pay attention to!painful to admit but its true….God bless u kuya kevin

  8. i praise God i found this website. I would surely recommend to my friends and officemates visiting it. God bless you kuya kevin…

  9. I was touched. How i wish everyone can read this… virginity still matters!

  10. kuya kevin,”) thank you for your inspirational msgs.., it helps me so much.., thank you.., i am one of central Philippine University students..,

  11. AMEN on this blog of yours Kuya Kevin! keep up the good work as well.


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