Pastor Kevin Sanders

"He must increase, but I must decrease." -John 3:30

BASTED: Overcoming Rejection

Sometimes I joke that me giving relationship advice is like the blind leading the blind (since it seems I’m always single). Well, today I’m writing about a subject where I have plenty of experience: getting “basted.”*

I can relate to the picture posted here. I vividly remember an experience from my college days. I had a crush on this girl and hoped that she would be my girlfriend (we went out on a date a time or two). My heart sank one afternoon as I was walking through the school parking lot—she was embracing someone else. Not that she had lied to me or anything of the sort—we only went out once or twice and she simply met someone else that she liked more than me. I was officially “basted.”

I heard some helpful advice when I went to the gym that afternoon. A buddy of mine who was older (about 30 or so) told me not to worry about it. He explained that as you get older, you get wiser and don’t get your hopes up so quickly. I think he also gave me some spiritual encouragement to go along with this pep talk.

Now I understand what he means. I’m not nearly as afraid of rejection as I used to be. I still get basted sometimes, but it doesn’t wreck my life and emotions like it used to.

I want to help all of you deal with rejection and the fear of rejection. Let’s get basted!

We should not live in fear of getting rejected. We can recover from rejection. Here are a few things to think about:

Not knowing is much worse than being rejected. The worse case scenario is that you get turned down. For men this would mean that she does not accept your proposal for courtship. For women this may mean that you find out he’s not interested (through more indirect ways). Either way, you know the truth—he/she is not interested. Now you know and you can move on. This is much better than wasting your time on someone who is not interested. It is also much better than wondering “what if I had told her?”

An open rebuke
is better than hidden love!

-Proverbs 27:5

There are other people to choose from. If you get turned down, don’t forget that there are a few billion singles still left in the world. Teenagers sometimes get “tunnel vision” and think that their crush is the center of the universe. Your crush may not be all that you think he/she is. I thought my high school crushes were the only women in the world that deserved my attention. I went to college and suddenly realized there were thousands of other lovely young women in the world. Now I live in a city of over twelve million people. As I’ve seen more of the world, I realize how limited my choices were before. Nothing wrong with marrying a guy/girl from your home town, but don’t forget that the world is bigger than your immediate surroundings.

Our ultimate satisfaction and sufficiency should be in Christ. Of course it hurts if someone turns us down. We should not, however, base our joy and hope on having a certain boyfriend or girlfriend. Understanding who you are in Christ will free you from the fear of rejection. God has expressed His ultimate love by calling us His children:

See how very much our Father loves us, for he calls us his children, and that is what we are!
-1st John 3:1

We are God’s children, accepted and loved by Him! Remember this next time you are feeling hurt or rejected.

God works everything out for our good. We can be confident that God is working in everything for our good. Rejection is in included as part of “everything.” It may be that one day you will need to comfort a friend who also experienced rejection. It may be that God is protecting you from a relationship that is not best for you. Whatever the reason, you can trust God to always act in your best interest. You simply have to have faith to believe this, even when it doesn’t seem like anything good is happening.

And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.
-Romans 8:28

Hopefully these thoughts will help you as you search for Mr/Ms Right. Life is short—don’t be afraid of getting rejected, basted, or whatever else you want to call it. Take it from someone who has been basted plenty of times–life goes on!

*For my non-Filipino readers, “basted” is a slang term that comes from the English “busted.” It means rejected, and it is normally applied to a guy getting rejected as he tries to court a girl.

This is one of the many articles that you’ll find in my book: Basta Lovelife: Making Wise Relationship Decisions.

9 Comments

  1. Hi Kevin, your articles are very helpful, keep it up.
    Eman (Antioch Computerhaven)

  2. snif! kuya kevin… sobrang you touched me. i’ve been so down for more than 2 weeks now.. i learned that the man i started to love is interested in my neice. i feel–i don’t know.. and what’s worse, my bitternes has turned me into a “monster”… someone i don’t know.. i have started to hate my neice.. everything she does, she says… i know it’s bad and the thought of it makes me scared.. but, i can’t help it… i’m so……down, i guess. thanks for your post.. wish i could tell you more.. and ask you many things… can i send you an email?

  3. You can email me at kuyakevin at gmail.

  4. Adrian Fahrenheit

    03/20/2007 at 7:03 am

    hahaha! astig! your article is very helpful *thumbs up*! i think i just got BASTED… i was so depressed and down after she “turned me down” that all i could think of is her. i never really asked to court her but, i just felt that we’re falling apart (she posted your article on friendster after i confessed that i love her, hahaha). Weird thing is, i never really fell in love with her until recently (we were co-workers before and i haven’t seen her for ages… ok months 🙂 )
    Thanks Kuya.
    uh… should i still ask her if i may court her? or do i just accept her cues as rejection?

  5. Well, if you are sure that she has turned you down then drop it. If you’ve already told her that you love her then I’m not sure that there is anything else to say.

  6. Adrian Fahrenheit

    03/21/2007 at 5:03 am

    thanks!
    i’m droppin it.
    i actually feel a lot better now.
    I better avoid having “tunnel vision”
    haha

  7. kuya kevin.
    help.help.

    im a girl…hooo…i cant court the man i used to like.=P you’ve been here in the phils for 5 years now i guess you already know how should filipina act when it comes to liking some guys. we should act the way we should. I guess…its against my principle to confess to the guy i like how i feel. i dont know what to do. Im praying For God’s guidance with regards to this. But I actually can not understand. Help me please. what should i do? thanks kuya kevin.
    Thanks and God Bless.

  8. thanks kuya kevin.
    i’ll be waiting for a response.
    =p

  9. hi kuya eli.this article is reassuring.
    you see,my boyfriend broke up with me last february-two weeks before our (supposed to be) first anniversary.i can’t figure out why.he doesn’t want to talk to me personally.he just texted me that he wanted to end it all.(huh??ganun lang kadali yun).well, i super cried for a day.there’s no one to turn to but God.i prayed while crying-confessing that i had been too impatient to wait for that ‘someone’ reserved for me.recovering wasn’t that easy.the following days were silent tears.
    i have had this relationship with God for 3 years.and now,after the breakup,i’m having this fellowship with Him.the experience is so great!.peace is unexplainable yet i’m loving it!.bitterness just turned into joy!
    i considered my ex as my ‘boat’.i have stepped out of that boat and reached God’s hand.
    God has planned it all.all i have to do is to trust Him.He knows what’s best for me.
    finding this site wasn’t an accident.surely, God has used you to help us-your readers.you’ll be part of my prayers.
    thank you and God bless..c:

Comments are closed.