Pastor Kevin Sanders

"He must increase, but I must decrease." -John 3:30

Your Future Spouse: Someone Who Deserves Your Love NOW

There is an important question we ask when we teach purity seminars:

Who Deserves your Love? Several people (or groups of people) may come to mind.

Students rarely think about their future spouse as an answer to this question. All of us singles dream of getting married and having a loving family. Here is an extremely important question: what are you doing now to prepare yourself for your future spouse? Maybe teenagers seem to believe that is too far off into the future to think about now. Understand this: the choices you make now can have a major impact on your future marriage.
You will have to be honest about your past when you meet the man or woman you plan to marry. A healthy marriage does not have secrets. What you tell your future spouse largely depends on your choices right now.

This should give us a brand new perspective on how we behave. I remember, for example, a seminar I did a few months back. The students asked me about a certain type of sexual behavior. I knew what they were thinking: since this is not sexual intercourse, you can do it and still be a “virgin.” My response seemed to stun them—it went something like this: “Would you want to tell your future spouse that you have done this?”

Let’s have respect for ourselves and others. You should treat your fellow singles as someone else’s future husband/wife. You should treat yourself the same way. Don’t do things that you will be ashamed to tell your future spouse about.

This is yet one more reason to postpone sexual intimacy until marriage.

This is one of the many articles that you’ll find in my book: Basta Lovelife: Making Wise Relationship Decisions.

14 Comments

  1. yah thats true honesty makes your relationship longer and the love is very strong, but it should also have trust to each other specially when you find your love the second time around.

  2. I agree and I think those two go together–without honesty there can be no trust.

  3. kuya kevin all your blog is the best!!!!!!!!!!

  4. Good morning kuya Kevin! I would like to share to you a journal written by a friend named Jill. She was my close friend in Grade 4 and she became my barkada and mentor since then. She is a great epitome of what a daughter of God should be and she was really a model to our barkada. She is one of the greatest people that I came to know and love and I hope that through this journal that she has written about herself, it will also bless other girls. All her life she has waited for the right man and because of it God has blessed her tremendously.

    To all the girls out there, I know that at your age, it is a time when the hormones are raging and the open door to fall in love is wide open. But please choose to take your stand and resist the opportunity for untimely love. This was my stand then and this is still my stand now.
    ——–
    If loving someone is God’s idea, why do we see many relationships turn bitter, sour and ugly? If loving is a beautiful thing, why do we hear more stories of hurt, pain and heartbreak?
    My answer: Loving someone is at its best when both of you love the Lord first.
    A relationship blooms beautifully when it is in God’s time, God’s way with God’s man.

    With these points in mind, I would like to outline MY PERSONAL REASONS why I should WAIT for my Honey Best.

    1. I do not just want to settle for what is good, what is available and what is seemingly right for this moment. I will wait and settle for God’s best only.

    2. I want my heart to be whole when I love him. If I give my love to someone now, and then to another one, and to another one, when I meet my Honey Best, my heart has been divided already. (There is room for the grace of God though, but I’d rather set my standard too high than have a standard too low.)

    3. There are less heart aches if I wait. And I will not experience beforehand relationship traumas, fears, misconceptions, bad experiences. I will not suffer the consequences of untimely decisions and mistakes.

    4. There is something special about “firsts” eh. First love, first kiss, first everything.

    5. I do not want him to feel insecure because of my past intimate relationships.
    I want to tell him, this is how much I love you… I held myself back and I waited for you.

    6. This is my way of valuing myself. I do not deserve a man who will not complement me, who will put me down and keep me from reaching my full potential. Christ died to give me the best and it will be an insult to My Jesus if I do not receive what He has prepared for me.

    7. I love Jesus and I want Him to be pleased with me. I want to glorify Him with my life. I want to be a model and a blessing.

    8. I want to give to my Honey Best ALL that is meant for him.

    9. If I enter a relationship with someone who’s not meant for me, we are both positioning ourselves in a place where we are not able to receive God’s full blessing.

    10. Timing is everything.

    11. Being in the center of God’s will is the safest place to be.

    12. I want to have a great love story that I will be proud to tell the future generations. I don’t want it to be tainted by not waiting for the right time.

    13. I want to honor my parents. They have raised me well.

    14. I have no time to play with hearts. I have a mission to accomplish- to win souls and make disciples of multitudes! I am called to conquer territories for Jesus. The nations and the generations!

    15. I pursue purity. (PURITY- freedom from contamination, from anything that would spoil the taste or the pleasure, reduce the power or in any way adulterate what the thing is meant to be. From E.Elliot)

    16. The waiting process, amidst the conflicting desires, surging passions, blazing affections and emotions and the intense loneliness, when taken in the RIGHT SPIRIT unveils the fullness of Christ in me.

    Yup, i admit I am idealistic and yup, I admit ALL these reasons are nothing if not for the grace of God. So help me God.
    Lord Jesus, You know my heart and all the desires within. Please take control. I seek not to be dictated by my feelings nor by my thoughts. I only want to be moved by Your presence and by Your Word. Speak clearly to me. At the right time, reveal, unveil, open. I trust in Your timing, in Your faithfulness and in Your unconditional love for me. Thank You for reserving the BEST for me. For the mean time, mold me to be the kind of woman you created me to be. Let me be beautiful from the inside out.Use me for Your glory. Mold him too, to be the kind of man he is meant to be. I allow You to work in his life. Test him through the desert, through the wilderness, through the fire. Push him to walk in his calling. I love You forever Lord Jesus!
    I also pray that it will also be the same for all the women out there. I encourage everybody to be patient God has wonderful ways of showing the marvelous future He had in store for us. God will give someone that we can live with for the rest of our lives.

    http://jillanneboyonas.blogs.friendster.com/me_as_me/2006/09/_no_one_like_hi.html

  5. hi kuya kevin..

    just wanna ask, how would u know if someone likes you?..and what should i do?..coz im really confused right now..

    here’s the story..

    me and my former boyfriend broke up bec. he needed to study..it’s hard to explain why we needed to do that, but i understand him and the sutuation that he’s in..we still have communication..and he told me to wait for him.. and i am willing to do that..because for me, if we were meant for each other then no matter what happen, we’ll still end up with each other..

    then..there’s this guy and he’s my crush..and me and my friends noticed that he’s lookin at me..but we’re not close..and according to some people, he’s already courting someone..

    so kuya kevin..what do you think?..i know it’s not a big deal..but i still need your opinion..thanks po..=)

  6. With your ex-boyfriend, I’m not sure it is fair for him to expect you to sit by and wait for him.

    This guy needs to do more than “notice” you for you to assume he likes you.

    Those are my first impressions.

    Blessings!

  7. I agree with this statement kuya kevin:

    “This guy needs to do more than “notice” you for you to assume he likes you.”

    you know there is someone who told me that he likes me. And he’s too sweet. He said that he was able to forget his past because I came into his life.

    But one day, he told me that he’s inlove with someone else and don’t expect him to have something for me.

    Ang gulo po nya. hindi ko alam kung pano. alam nyo po yun, parang feeling ko LIES lahat ng sinabi nya before. And because of it, I find it hard to give my trust again.

    He still sends text messages to me. Di ko po kasi sinabi sa kanya na I was hurt dun sa sinabi nya. Ganun pa rin sya sakin. Pero hindi ko po talaga sya maintindihan.

    -me

  8. Anonymous,

    Maybe you should distance yourself from him a little. He cannot expect you to be emotionally close to him if he is interested in someone else.

  9. i’ll try kuya kevin.. =)

    Do you think it’s fine if I tell him straight to stop being sweet and all that?

    -me

  10. Yes. Tell him the mixed messages are confusing you and messing with your heart. If he is really a friend, he will not insist on behaving the same way.

  11. Thanks po.. =)

    Continue being a blessing.. God speed..

    -me

  12. Hi Kuya…m a 20 year old woman. I just read ur article and a journal in the comments..
    I need a little help from u right now

    When i was young appx 15yrs old I had a STRONG STRONG STRONG crush on this guy…in my class..(but i knew he didn’t, avoided me n all)
    so nothing really happend though nd it took me 4 years to get over him(cuz he was so incredibly handsome)…so overall 1st heartbreak!

    then after school in ma colg i met this guy 3-4 years older than me…i became frnds with him..and i knew he liked me(he knew i liked him too, and his frnds as well)..u know how ur heart rushes when that special someone is with u..bla bla..but then after few months he passed out of the colg and i never saw or heard from him again..

    Then eventually i met this guy online..he was very nice n all…we used to talk a lot(online)
    and eventually he made me realize that m in love with him…and then things happend and eventually we broke up
    PS – this guy was mean, rude, was trying to convince me that sex is OK out of marrg, it is like u have to give to someone and someone has to give it to u…(i was shocked wen i heard this!), and it was not worth waiting at all…

    So, now i threw him outta ma heart as a lover and now we’re only Friends. like i rarely talk to him…

    I’m a Virgin and have decided i will keep the gift of my virginity with me and give it to the one whom God has finally chosen for me. No matter how strong the temptations are i m not falling for it.
    I know i have not waited to fall in love with the right one….cos i was young to understand.

    #1 Will God forgive my mistakes and still give me the one who deserves me(or vica versa)?

    #2 Is Watching porns a Sin?

    #3 What do u think about Masturbation?

    Please forgive me if i sound too bold!
    Thanks nd Regards!
    Waiting to see ur reply…and everyone else is free to respond as well!

  13. #1
    I think you are a little confused. “Waiting” means abstaining from sex until marriage. It doesn’t mean you never have a crush, etc. Cheer up–you have waited!

    The events you described where some hard lessons, but your future husband will be thrilled that you have saved your virginity for him.

    #2
    Porn is a sin, based on Matthew 5:28

    #3
    I have a chapter in my book about masturbation (which may turn out to be my most controversial chapter). Here’s the problem: the Bible is completely silent on the issue. Well-respected Christian thinkers disagree.

  14. From a pastor’s sermon: Do not have sex with your bf / gf just because he / she told you those three magical words. Wait until he / she says the final two – “I DO”. 🙂

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