Pastor Kevin Sanders

"He must increase, but I must decrease." -John 3:30

What a Man Loses in Premarital Sex

“Sexual laxity does not make you more of a man, but less so; it brutalizes you, and tears your soul to pieces”
-JI Packer, Knowing God

“Lalaki ka, walang nawawala sa’yo” (translation: you are a man, you do not lose anything). This is the attitude some people have about men and sexual activity. Some men think that losing one’s virginity or having sex outside of marriage is no big deal for them. Some believe that it makes you more “manly.” This is not what the Bible teaches!

I want us to look at another Scripture to help us understand this.

1st Corinthians 6:12-19

12″Everything is permissible for me”—but not everything is beneficial. “Everything is permissible for me”—but I will not be mastered by anything. 13″Food for the stomach and the stomach for food”—but God will destroy them both. The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. 14By his power God raised the Lord from the dead, and he will raise us also. 15Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! 16Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, “The two will become one flesh.” 17But he who unites himself with the Lord is one with him in spirit.

18 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. 19Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.

The Bible describes several things that a man can lose through sexual sin:

First, you lose self control. In vs. 12, Paul says that we should not be mastered by anything, including our sex drive. If you begin allowing your sex drive to control you, you will set up a devastating pattern in your life. This pattern can result in: 1. Staying in unhappy, dead-end relationships just for the sake of sex 2. Allowing yourself to be manipulated in hopes of getting sex in return 3. An inability to be faithful because you never took control of your sex drive (these are just a few; the list could go on). I’ve seen these things happen in the lives of some my friends and students. Please don’t let it happen to you.

Second, you lose intimacy. Vs. 19 reminds us that we are the temple of the Holy Spirit. He knows whatever we do—He is with us at all times! When we sin against God we lose our intimacy with Him. We forget that He is always with us. We don’t experience the full joy of our relationship with him.

Losing intimacy with God is bad enough, but you also lose intimacy with your future wife. Paul said that if you unite with someone sexually, you have become one with her (vs. 16). You should be saving this type of affection for your wife.

The study I mentioned in a previous post indicates that men think premarital sex is a good way to “practice” lovemaking skills. The Bible teaches that purity, not practice is the best preparation for your wedding night. You need to know that each woman has unique sexual/emotional needs. The “tricks” you learn may not be a turn-on for the girl you marry. A wise woman would much rather have a clumsy virgin on her wedding night than a man who has already given his body to other women.

Third, you lose yourself. Both Genesis and 1st Corinthians describe sex as becoming “one flesh” with someone. Sex is the most physically intimate thing you can do with someone. Sex begins to lose its true meaning when you experience it outside of marriage. This will affect your soul; your “inner man.”

Finally, you lose safety and security. Paul says that sexual immorality is a sin against our own body (vs. 18). When we sin sexually, we open ourselves to all types of physical consequences, such as disease and the possibility of getting someone pregnant.

So here is what you lose: self-control, intimacy with God, intimacy with your future wife, yourself, and safety/security.

Here are a few more thoughts from Proverbs:
Proverbs 6:26-28
26 for the prostitute reduces you to a loaf of bread,
and the adulteress preys upon your very life.
27 Can a man scoop fire into his lap
without his clothes being burned?
28 Can a man walk on hot coals
without his feet being scorched?

Still think you have nothing to lose?

This is one of the many articles that you’ll find in my book: Basta Lovelife: Making Wise Relationship Decisions.


  1. “clumsy virgin”…’like that! hehe…

    coz there’s still nothing more thrilling and romantic than having preserved yourself for that person God will give you in marriage. All by God’s grace!

  2. thank you! as a former “wild girl” and now youth leader in our church, may i use this for our youth?
    i witnessed this in one of my close friends with whom i had an on-off relationship for yrs. at the end of our relationship, when he apologized for all his sins against me, my heart bled when he recounted how as a teen he had dreamt of becoming a pastor, but because he committed fornication, that started the downward spiral in his life–spiritually and socially–(in all aspects) so he had to give up his dream. i actually was one of his countless “victims”.

    all his relationships–beginning w his family, were extremely affected. today sex is made into a god and people think all it gives us is unequalled pleasure, but what the media does NOT say is the awful feeling you just can’t shake off when you are just tossed aside like a discarded toy by some1 u thought loved you. people have actually felt like wantign to die.

    because i’m a Christian, i simply couldn’t take my own life, but i actually prayed for God to take my life, even tho’ in my heart i still had mamny unfulfilled dreams and “missions” in life.

    nevertheless, God showed his grace by allowing healing in both of us–at least, he was able to ask me forgiveness, and God allowed me to give him my forgiveness so that bitterness will not rot my soul.

    i could go on but, for now all i’ll say is
    it is NOT true that a guy loses nothing.

  3. Yes, you can use this article. But please let me know how you plan to use it.

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